Wordplay Joke

People say I'm a ladies man.
No sorry ... lady boy.

Wordplay Joke

My wife told me she can't stand being with me anymore...
So I cut her legs off.

Wordplay Joke

Finally had my tattoo finished today.
Quite impressed with my wizards sleeve.

Wordplay Joke

I always wanted to be an ointment, but I never applied myself.

Wordplay Joke

I've just seen Aliens in my garden.
Now I've got to move my Tv and DVD player back in the living room.

Wordplay Joke

I've just seen Aliens in my garden.
Now I've got to move my Tv and DVD player back in the living room.

Wordplay Joke

I took my kids on a tour of the postcard factory.
They said it was nothing to write home about.

Wordplay Joke

Guitar players. Worried about your fingers hurting? Stop fretting

Wordplay Joke

I met my mate earlier and he looked really upset. I said, "What's up, fella?"
"I've just been on that website with the sick jokes..."
"Alright, it's funny isn't it?"
"It would be, but half the jokes are about me!" said Dave.

Wordplay Joke

Life as a sink can be draining.

Wordplay Joke

I went to a restaurant near Wimbledon.
I thought the service would be better.

Wordplay Joke

My wife's always claiming she has a migraine but I'm not having any of it.
I said to her, 'It's all in your head babe'.

Wordplay Joke

My friend had a heart attack watching a penalty shoot-out.
It was a sudden death.

Wordplay Joke

My mate Luke just got killed as he was crossing the road.
Time after time I've told him, "Stop, Luke, and listen"..

Wordplay Joke

Originally there were eight dwarfs.
Until Junky overdosed.

Wordplay Joke

I've just seen a sign for a low bridge.
I didn't even know they could get depressed.

Wordplay Joke

What's brown, smelly and falls off walls?
Humpty Dump.

Wordplay Joke

My son is doing a school project on battery farming and he asked me for some help.
I know nothing about it though, I thought that batteries were man-made.

Wordplay Joke

I'm a recovering alcoholic.
Been upholstering all morning, now let's get to the pub!

Wordplay Joke

BBC News: 'America to build nuclear power plants.'
I think thats going a bit far. I find some water and a bit of sunshine is enough.

Wordplay Joke

It would be cool to change the infrastructure on my street and layer it with chocolate and marshmallows. Although I don't know who else would appreciate the rocky road

Wordplay Joke

If you see a shrink on a regular basis, then you need your head examined.

Wordplay Joke

I was at the casino last night and I only put chips on the numbers 2,4,6 and 8 on the roulette wheel.
I was against the odds.

Wordplay Joke

Talking to a protester in Tibet, I couldn't stop laughing at his non-stop jokes.
He was on fire.

Wordplay Joke

been getting some dirty looks recently because of the age gap between me and my 19 yr old girlfriend.
i dont see the problem myself, we hve lots in common, for instance she's into hip hop and im waiting to have one .