Wordplay Joke

I am a master of subtlety, but not many people realise that.

Wordplay Joke

My grandad was a fantastic golfer.
His dying wish was to be buried under our local shop.
He's now 6 under Spar.

Wordplay Joke

Beach Volleyball is a team sport.
But I prefer to play with myself.

Wordplay Joke

My girlfriend wrote to me saying she breaking up with me and now living in the capital of the province of Burgundy.
It was a Dijon letter.

Wordplay Joke

If you sleep with a dead black girl, is it Negrophelia?

Wordplay Joke

I woke last night to find a shadowy figure looming over me.
It turns out that the previous tenant, who died here, was a weaver.

Wordplay Joke

My mate's cat was stolen, skinned and made into a school bag.
He's coming to terms with it.

Wordplay Joke

She came. She's sore. I conquered.

Wordplay Joke

I've been stuck in hospital for a month since a mole removal.
In hindsight, maybe I shouldn't have used dynamite in my back garden.

Wordplay Joke

Police were called to Carrow Road late on Friday night.
They have arrested Delia Smith for firing a Gunn Randomly

Wordplay Joke

To all those people needing organ donors - my heart goes out to you,
nah, it doesn't...

Wordplay Joke

The parents at my daughters school have complained because I pick her up every day wearing just my trunks.
Now everyone reckons Im some kind of Speedophile.

Wordplay Joke

Statistically taller people sleep longer in bed.

Wordplay Joke

My mate is an archaelogist and on a recent dig he found what he thought was the tip of a spear, but some of his colleagues were unsure.
He explained it though, and to be fair, he did have a point.

Wordplay Joke

When I hear a newsreader mention the West Bank, I can't help giggling because in my mind I swap the W and the B around.

Wordplay Joke

When I worked at the morgue we sometimes used to gamble for body parts.
It was all fun and games until somebody lost an eye.

Wordplay Joke

I hope we don't get the Euro over here, it just wouldn't sound right.
Imagine going into the butchers and asking for 'a Euro of sausages.'

Wordplay Joke

I was excited to hear my mates had organised a weekend of parachuting but it was a big disappointment.
I thought we were going to be hunting crippled athletes.

Wordplay Joke

Banter = Legal Racism

Wordplay Joke

I've just bought an after eight bar for only 30p in Tesco.
It was mint.

Wordplay Joke

I've been visiting an alternative doctor for my erectile dysfunction, but I found out the other day he was a fraud. I was going to sue him, and thought I had a pretty good case, but my lawyer said I'd never get it to stand up in court.

Wordplay Joke

I took my new girlfriend to an exhibition at the Tate, She pointed to a pot and said "That's an Imported Mycenaean stirrup vase found in the acropolis of Ras Shamra"
I thought "That's an arty fact"

Wordplay Joke

I went to the doctors today and said, "My leg keeps talking to me and asking me to lend it money."
The doctor replied, "I think your leg is broke."

Wordplay Joke

No Katy Perry, he's not an alien, just black

Wordplay Joke

The bloke who's just moved in next door is half Kenyan.
Ken.