Wordplay Joke

I've started a new trend of defacing long-necked animals with spray paint.
I call it giraffiti.

Wordplay Joke

Acupuncture, Is there any point?

Wordplay Joke

Wheelchair-bound bank robbers.
They won't get away with it.

Wordplay Joke

My next songs gonna be a big hit in the clubs, its all about swing... Its called pitching wedge

Wordplay Joke

I work at an accountants, and to be honest I'm not very good at it.
I'm just making up the numbers.

Wordplay Joke

When I get my change back at Sainsbury's I normally throw my coppers down in the street
They arrest me afterwards but it's funny while it lasts

Wordplay Joke

My wife is always on my back.
It gets very painful from time to time.

Wordplay Joke

I wrote a book on Silence. You probably haven't heard about it.

Wordplay Joke

I have some great news, i have finally finished my project of the last 10 years.
I decided to change everything about myself,I got a new head, body etc. It was worth all the hard work.
I'm Made up.

Wordplay Joke

Andy Grays comments are nothing for women to get their knickers in a twist its merely a storm in a D cup.

Wordplay Joke

Doctors treating Nelson Mandela have said "We've taken him to the park this morning and tonight we're taking him to the cinema"

Wordplay Joke

I saw a man dressed as a Tesco worker drowning today so I threw him a cork.
Every little helps.

Wordplay Joke

Chris Martin is branching out into theatre.
He's written a production about the effects of flu like symptons.
It's a Cold play

Wordplay Joke

There was a naked mental patient standing by the roundabout earlier frantically waving at drivers.
If you ask me, he was a stark waving lunatic.

Wordplay Joke

I hear Ironman and Magneto are inseparable since they've met.

Wordplay Joke

My wife has left me unexpectedly and taken all my maps and my TomTom.
I just don't know which way to turn.

Wordplay Joke

I got my wife a table at one of the most exclusive restaurants in London last night.
It was outside in a skip at the back.

Wordplay Joke

Just offended some dog poo. Put my foot right in it.

Wordplay Joke

I noticed four soldiers on Brecon Beacons in the worst rain and wind ever.
They must have been Stormtroopers.

Wordplay Joke

The remains of US-born chess champion Bobby Fischer have been exhumed in Iceland to establish a paternity claim.
Police said "We don't think he's the Dad, but we thought we'd better check mate".

Wordplay Joke

It has been reported that companies will not employ new university graduates unless the achieve a degree of 2:1 or better.
This means that all ballerinas have now dropped out of their courses as all they can get is a 2:2.

Wordplay Joke

I have just found out that my Aunt's kids have stolen my personally endorsed ice skates.
Robin Cousins.

Wordplay Joke

Graffiti artists, they write up my street.

Wordplay Joke

My wife gets sick of me saying useless palindromes all the time....
I said, "No, Mel Gibson is a casinos big lemon...."

Wordplay Joke

My hat's gone all shaky and started to spasm.
Oh well, I suppose if the cap fits......