Wordplay Joke

I tried to be frank with my girlfriend but she saw straight through my disguise.

Wordplay Joke

I hope my wife doesn't mind my new foreplay technique...
Fingers crossed

Wordplay Joke

I used to be in stocks and shares, but I lost interest

Wordplay Joke

In an effort to never be wrong again, I'm becoming a lesbian. I hear they're inphallible.

Wordplay Joke

If I've learned anything about unfinished sentences, it's that

Wordplay Joke

BBC NEWS: Norfolk couple rejoice at healthy conjoined cousins.

Wordplay Joke

Hot tip for tomorrow: Coroner's Report.
It's a dead cert.

Wordplay Joke

I was nicking some kid's lunch money, when he said 'You can have it if you win a race with me to the top of that tower'.
I still beat him up.

Wordplay Joke

I might see if there are any Helium jokes out there for a bit of light humour before bed

Wordplay Joke

I'm one of these people who refuses to accept change, which, in hindsight, is probably why my career as a busker went down the pan.

Wordplay Joke

My mate's just started texting flirty messages to a female landscape gardener.
"Are you going to sleep with her soon?", I asked eagerly.
"No", he replied, "I'm just putting the groundwork down."

Wordplay Joke

I went to university three times in three different disguises. I got found out after they gave me the third degree.

Wordplay Joke

Being a new driver, I have being reading books on Motorways.
Apart from finding it so straight forward, its why I always seem to crash...

Wordplay Joke

Not to be unseamly, but my underwear just fell apart.

Wordplay Joke

I couldn't believe the flat packed wardrobe I bought from IKEA today. None of the pieces fitted together at all, it was a joke.
Honestly, you couldn't make it up.

Wordplay Joke

The seas and oceans of the world were formed when God first came into existence.

Wordplay Joke

Got the Niece and Nephew down from Dundee for the weekend.
They're playing ''mums and dads'' in the living room just now. Not entirely sure they understand the roles of parents from Dundee though.
My Niece isn't drunk and my Nephews still here.

Wordplay Joke

Tattoos - Self Graffitication.

Wordplay Joke

My mates and I went out last night and got absolutely smashed.
That's the problem when you're a mirror.

Wordplay Joke

BBC NEWS: Bomb police want to trace couple. Scotland Yard seeks help from Art Attack

Wordplay Joke

Orange News: Man killed in street attacked by masked men.
Attacking a dead man, that's terrible.

Wordplay Joke

Ever since my accident at work, I've been going round changing bulbs and flicking switches.
I'm on light duties.

Wordplay Joke

It was when the receptionist said, "You said you wanted a double room, and I'll be happy to give you one," that I thought it may have been an unwise choice to stay at The Inn Uendo.

Wordplay Joke

I have discovered why British people are best at snooker.
We are accustomed to queues from a young age

Wordplay Joke

There's a new shop down my street that specializes in clothing for obese people.
They have a wide range of everything.