Wordplay Joke

When I was growing up, I was always terrified of the grandfather clock in our house.
Grandma got the idea from those Mickey Mouse watches, and had him fitted to a clock after he died.

Wordplay Joke

A guy with a beard walked into the shop and asked to buy a bottle of after shave.
"Not yet." I told him.

Wordplay Joke

It's boring to hear people make jokes about me being a drover that works with cattle.
Because I herd them already.

Wordplay Joke

At the bus stop this morning I saw a gentleman getting more and more agitated the later his bus was. He tutted, started checking his watch and grumbled under his breath. I began to wonder how angry he'd be at the driver when two of the same bus came along at once.
He went off on one.

Wordplay Joke

I wasn't sure if holding a fund raiser for people who can't make decisions in life was the right thing to do, but I gave them the Benefit Of The Doubt

Wordplay Joke

I've developed a theory about words that end in 'ism'.
I've called it ismism.

Wordplay Joke

The wife rang me from her boat trip but the reception out at sea isn't good so I'll could hear was 'syncing' and 'The Police.'
She always liked Sting so she must be pretty excited

Wordplay Joke

People ask me why I work in a minimum wage job at the air conditioning factory.
I do it for the fans.

Wordplay Joke

My wife said she's leaving me because apparently I have a fetish for electrical surges.
I was shocked when I heard this.

Wordplay Joke

Know any jokes about Sodium? Na.

Wordplay Joke

A friend of mine built an extension for my castle.
It was awful, but it's the fort that counts...

Wordplay Joke

What's a geriatric? A German footballer scoring three goals.

Wordplay Joke

I tried 3 way head today.
It was ok but 4 for a toothbrush is a bit much.

Wordplay Joke

I heard Chelsea are after a new goalkeeper...
That Togo Goalkeeper seems a good choice as he is a good shot stopper.

Wordplay Joke

I'm a big fan of R 'n' B.
Raping 'n' Burying.

Wordplay Joke

I have killed my last six wives.
I have now married again & I intend to kill my new wife in the morning.
After tomorrow I think I can safely say that 'Widower 7' was my idea.

Wordplay Joke

My wife and I had a serious discussion last night about the subject of "pulling out".
I was in favour, and she wasn't.
I'd like to see our troops home, and she thinks that there's still a job to do.

Wordplay Joke

I'm having problems with erections.
I can't get planning permission from the wife.

Wordplay Joke

I thought about getting a product aimed at children learning to go to the toilet by themselves. Then I saw the price tag.
So it's no Kandoo.

Wordplay Joke

Boy oh boy,that lady in Thailand sure fooled me.

Wordplay Joke

I bought my girlfriend a new mobile today. It plays twinkle twinkle little star and fits nicely above her cot.

Wordplay Joke

I was playing with my Wii earlier.
I wouldn't recommend it.
My hands smelt of urine.

Wordplay Joke

I'm sick and twisted.
I have a curvature of the spine that causes me to vomit sporadically.

Wordplay Joke

I would love to be minted, that way I would always have fresh breath

Wordplay Joke

I just played a gig to the ladies topless wrestling society.
They were a pretty, tough audience.