Wordplay Joke

I was reading this book on the anatomy of a pig.
It was pretty standard, but I got to the end and found there to be a twist in the tale.

Wordplay Joke

I was on the street. This guy waved to me, then came up to me and said, "I?m sorry, I thought you were someone else."
I said, "I am."

Wordplay Joke

I kept seeing a vegetable stall every day in the same place on my way to work this week.
The disabled really shouldn't be allowed to drive.

Wordplay Joke

So "Fe" is the elemental symbol for Iron and consists of the first two letters of the word "Female"?
Now I understand why "Cu" is the elemental symbol for Copper.

Wordplay Joke

I saw a sign in a shop- 'Mosquito nets 10'
I didn't even know bugs could play the lottery

Wordplay Joke

A bartender drowned in a tidal wave of tonic water after a case exploded, he was schwepped away.

Wordplay Joke

Who's this slag 'Ladesh' I keep hearing about?
Because everyone seems to bang her.

Wordplay Joke

I say tomato you say tomato. Doesn't quite have the same effect online.

Wordplay Joke

I used to be a heroin addict until I started cutting my gear with washing powder.
Ive been clean ever since.

Wordplay Joke

I've spent two years looking for my ex-girlfriend's killer.....
But no one will do it.

Wordplay Joke

Dying cats pink, what's next?
A Navy Seal?

Wordplay Joke

Time travel is going to have been confusing.

Wordplay Joke

Finally managed a slam-dunk today. Tea everywhere.

Wordplay Joke

I have a contact lens problem.
I have no contact lens solution.

Wordplay Joke

I went for an audition the other day, they were casting 13 people to be clouds.
14 showed up, It was overcast.

Wordplay Joke

My wife and I were happy for 20 years.
Then we met.

Wordplay Joke

Today, I saw a sign at a picture framing shop that said, "Shoot the family, hang the kids, frame the wife."
Don't photographers have a dark sense of humour?

Wordplay Joke

Graham Norton's house burned down last night.
It was a camp fire.

Wordplay Joke

What's big, grey and doesn't matter?
An Irr-elephant.

Wordplay Joke

Me and another guy have been fighting for a woman's affection for a while, and I finally mustered the courage to propose, with a huge inflatable sign saying "Will you marry me?"
Unfortunately, my rival managed to pop the question first.

Wordplay Joke

"UN-Staffed office bombed"
Just as well there was no-one there then.

Wordplay Joke

I saw a billboard on the way to work this morning that read "Future Events."
Well, that's a sign of things to come.

Wordplay Joke

I was going to start taking self defence lessons but I decided on algebra instead. I'm a firm believer there's safety in numbers

Wordplay Joke

My mate Daniel wouldn't believe me when I told him that his name was an anagram.
He's in denial.

Wordplay Joke

There's a fine line between hyphenated words...