Wordplay Joke

Saw - The Uncut Version
So, completely pointless then?

Wordplay Joke

My clotheshorse broke this morning.
It was the end of an airer.

Wordplay Joke

Owning my own butchers shop, my claim to fame is that I serve the biggest, fattest black pudding in town.
It's Lenny Henry - he comes in every morning for sausages.

Wordplay Joke

My wife said she's leaving me because of my false optimism.
Oh well, she'll be back tomorrow.

Wordplay Joke

I like to keep my jokes Original.
Werther's you like it or not.

Wordplay Joke

I've noticed observational jokes are particularly popular.

Wordplay Joke

"I'll turn UK around," says David Cameron.
I'll do it right now...
KU.

Wordplay Joke

I was walking down the street the other day, and someone threw cheese in my face!
I thought "Very Mature!"

Wordplay Joke

A mute incontinent. Goes without saying.

Wordplay Joke

I've made loads of money selling my version of Polo that don't have a hole in the middle.
I've made an absolute mint.

Wordplay Joke

"Come on kids, we're going to play on the slides!" - The inventor of PowerPoint, shortly before his children stopped loving him

Wordplay Joke

Finally, after all these years, I've got myself a sportscar.
I split my eye open playing rugby.

Wordplay Joke

"Did you hear about the American Surgeon who specialises in key hole surgery?"
"He trained at Yale"

Wordplay Joke

Numbers never have been my thirte.

Wordplay Joke

I managed to get a lie in this morning.
I got up really early and told my wife that I loved her.

Wordplay Joke

My parents disowned me after I got a tattoo of a barcode put on my forehead on a night out.
I hope I can redeem myself

Wordplay Joke

Don't use a big word where a diminutive one will suffice.

Wordplay Joke

Approverypriate
Sorry - that was very inappropriate.

Wordplay Joke

"Whatever you do, don't lose your cool. I lost my cool once, and it killed my career." - LL J

Wordplay Joke

I love my next door neighbour's house.
It's right up my street.

Wordplay Joke

My daughter asked me to make her a ballerina's skirt.
I didn't have a clue where to start but then I put tu and tu together.

Wordplay Joke

I'm going to invent a saying about yoghurts.
Well, more of a fromage phrase.

Wordplay Joke

What do Mexicans do when they are cold?
They use chicken fajitas.

Wordplay Joke

I used to love doing pelvic floor exercises when I was working out.
Which is why I lost my job as a maths teacher.

Wordplay Joke

The life of a snail is taken with a pinch of salt.