Wordplay Joke

My dad choked to death on a curry tonight after mocking the animals killed to make it.
Chicken Karma.

Wordplay Joke

I bought my wife a camel-skin jacket for her birthday as a surprise.
She got the hump.

Wordplay Joke

The police station has a giant photograph on the wall of me supposedly robbing a bank.
I didn't do it and, to make things worse, they've placed a huge wooden border around the picture.
I've been framed.

Wordplay Joke

I was at my local garden centre today, and saw a sign saying 80% off garden gates.
It sounded too good to be true. I looked closely.
Where's the catch?

Wordplay Joke

Deflation:
What a let down

Wordplay Joke

I think I have a stalker.
Either that or my trousers are too tight.

Wordplay Joke

Cleaners: Even through a recession their business is still picking up.

Wordplay Joke

I just watched a video of this guy having his colon removed.
His keyboard will never be the same again.

Wordplay Joke

I've just seen a man juggling 20 rowing boat paddles.
It was oar inspiring.

Wordplay Joke

A lot of people are condemning Ashley Cole for shooting a student at point blank range, but in his defence, John Terry, Branislav Ivanovic and Jose Bosingwa.

Wordplay Joke

Five years from now, are they going to have a Soviet Reunion?

Wordplay Joke

Yahoo News : Plane catches fire on landing
How did they get it up the stairs in the first place?

Wordplay Joke

I've got the eye of the tiger.
So now it just says 'tger.'

Wordplay Joke

A guy walks up to a girl in a bar:
-"Please allow me to introduce myself... John Snow! Whats your name gorgeous?"
-"Summer"
-"How would you like to be on the front cover of tomorrows paper?"
-"How would that happen?"
-"I can already see the headlines... '10 inches of Snow in Summer'"

Wordplay Joke

I just lost my job as a Psychic.
I didn't see that coming.

Wordplay Joke

I saw a group of men protesting against slices of lemon in their soft drinks.
I don't think Fathers for just ice will take off

Wordplay Joke

S E N S:
This doesn't quite make sense.

Wordplay Joke

My New Years resolution went up in smoke last night.
Why's it so hard to stop being an arsonist?

Wordplay Joke

Went to the cemetery earlier today to visit my late wife. The sun was out and the sky was blue.
Was a good mourning.

Wordplay Joke

There are so many eastern europeans residing in London now that to make them feel at home I've taken to stealing the U , N and D out the middle of the Poundland signs.

Wordplay Joke

Too many colours spoil the goth

Wordplay Joke

Too many colours spoil the goth

Wordplay Joke

I don't really know how to say thsi...

Wordplay Joke

On sale now- The new Xbox 360.
Can't help but feel they're going round in circles.

Wordplay Joke

I got mugged the other day, it's a hard life being a tea bag