Wordplay Joke

Joe is walking his two dogs through the park when another man approaches.
'Are those Jack Russell's?' the man says.
'No they're mine' replies Joe.

Wordplay Joke

Get me a lemon, sharpish.

Wordplay Joke

"How many people in your household? Well, there's me, Uncle Ben, Aunt May..."
- Spidey Census

Wordplay Joke

I was in my shed and shouted to the wife to give me a hand with a job.
She wasn't happy when she walked in to find my pants round my ankles.

Wordplay Joke

I ordered myself one of those Green Cars, and it just got delivered.
Time to put some petal to the metal.

Wordplay Joke

A good pun is like a good steak; a rare medium well done.

Wordplay Joke

I'm a very indecisive person.
My favourite TV show is ER...

Wordplay Joke

My Mum always used to say that men are scared of women with power.
Took me years to figure out she meant electrical items.

Wordplay Joke

Stairlifts drive me up the wall.

Wordplay Joke

All my bandmates are ill so I have to sing alone,
I've never felt solo.

Wordplay Joke

Why did Baron Frankenstein give up acting?
He couldn't get the parts.

Wordplay Joke

I bought some portable stairs.
Now all I need is a staircase.

Wordplay Joke

When I'm with you, I am yours.
But without you I'm rs.

Wordplay Joke

Have you seen the new TV show that's being made? It's a cop drama about a long chain of glucose molecules and the waste product from grain.
It's called 'Starchsky & Husk'.

Wordplay Joke

When I was young my dad always made me sleep with a teddy.
I think he owed him money.

Wordplay Joke

I can't make any sense of cannibalism among the Vietnamese.
It's all gobble-the-gook to me.

Wordplay Joke

The Scottish Government are currently taking suggestions from the public as to what they should name the second road bridge which is due to be built over the River Forth.
I think they should confuse foreigners by calling it the Second Forth Road Bridge.

Wordplay Joke

My girlfriend was the best ride at Alton Towers!
Shame about the queue though.

Wordplay Joke

I had high hopes for myself for the staring contest championships.
However, I made a couple glaring errors.

Wordplay Joke

Why does Gigahertz?
because Megabytez

Wordplay Joke

Velcro really works, believe it or knot.

Wordplay Joke

I never thought I'd enjoy philosophy until I found my nietzsche

Wordplay Joke

Me and my mates were playing cricket in the park earlier with a Mr Potato Head.
No one batted an eyelid.

Wordplay Joke

When my dad was my age, he was already married and had
two children with my mum.
I've only kissed her so far.

Wordplay Joke

The doctor told me I was going to have a nervous breakdown...
He explained this to me.... In a really scary voice.