Wordplay Joke

I've just been told about a weighted 'coin-toss' scam going around.
Just giving you all a heads-up.

Wordplay Joke

Does anyone want to join my javelin club?
I'm just throwing it out there.

Wordplay Joke

My girlfriend had a real go at me on a boat, so much so in fact that she went overboard.

Wordplay Joke

Me and the missus were going on our holidays and, while on the plane, we fell out and spent the rest of the day rowing.
In hindsight, I guess it was lucky we landed next to a boat.

Wordplay Joke

I've realised, after reading the crossword clue 'Physically aggressive behaviour (8)'
that violence is the answer.

Wordplay Joke

As a typical Mac user.
I don't get wet when it rains.

Wordplay Joke

A little Asian lad just came running into work.
I asked, "And who are you?"
He replied, "Ameer."
I said, "I can see that but what's your name?"

Wordplay Joke

How did the hipster burn his mouth?
He started eating the pizza long before it was cool.

Wordplay Joke

I've got nothing on today.
I think I'll go to a nudist camp.

Wordplay Joke

"I hide mine in the fridge."
Hardly the most secretive place to put a muller rice is it?

Wordplay Joke

I watched a pirate DVD the other day.
It was a bunch of Somalians demanding ransom money.

Wordplay Joke

I've developed a perfume that uses salt water from a local sea.
People say it's the English Chanel.

Wordplay Joke

When I asked my wife why she had trouble sleeping, she said I wouldn't understand about hormones.
I understand perfectly. I cant get to sleep when that hormones.

Wordplay Joke

BBC News: Foster carers 'urgently' needed
Well, I'm up for looking after a few tins if you want.

Wordplay Joke

I just came back from a Blur concert.
I didn't see much.

Wordplay Joke

Tom and Jerry never fully prepared me for the death of my cat.
Or for how heavy a mallet is.

Wordplay Joke

I just cancelled my trip to Amsterdam because it's easier for tourists to get stoned in Belfast.

Wordplay Joke

The English language is the best in the world. It just has a certain... je ne sais quoi.

Wordplay Joke

As he cried into the sandcastles, I realised Grandpa hadn't been asking for a vacation when he said "I've not been to the beach since 1944."

Wordplay Joke

What cheese do you use to disguise a horse?
Mascarpone

Wordplay Joke

I left the pub a bit late, thereby missing the last bus. Well cry me Arriva.

Wordplay Joke

I've found that the life of a serial rapist is just one struggle after another.

Wordplay Joke

I trust my girl friend as far as I could throw her, which turned out to be quite far, as I live on the 10th floor.

Wordplay Joke

I used to know a depressed cross eyed girl...
She never looked forward to anything.

Wordplay Joke

Good King Wenseslas called his local pizza parlour.
"Would you like your usual, sir?"
"Oh yes," he replied. "Deep pan: crisp and even."