Wordplay Joke

I've started working with this guy called Mr Rius, thats all I can find out about him.

Wordplay Joke

My relationship with my wife ended when she let herself go. Rock climbing wasn't the best idea for our honey moon.

Wordplay Joke

I was just about to buy a dvd of James Nesbitt's Murphy's Law.
But at the last minute, I got cold feet.

Wordplay Joke

Apparently Jason Statham does all of his own stunts.
That may be impressive, but I bet he still needs a double to do all the acting for him.

Wordplay Joke

Who's the most vague person in the military?
General Direction.

Wordplay Joke

One swallow does not make a summer, but one spit can sure make a fall.
Down the stairs.

Wordplay Joke

I heard that the BBC Asian network is to be taken over by a rock and metal based radio station.
Qur'ang Radio.

Wordplay Joke

I keep all my money with my late grandad's ashes.
After all, a penny saved is a penny urned.

Wordplay Joke

I've just had all my garden ornaments blown up by landmines.
Guess it was my own fault for leaving them in Gnome mans land.

Wordplay Joke

I was in a car with a friend in Germany when he took an odd road.
"Hey," I said, "this isn't the way home."
"Vee need sausage!" he claimed.
I guess he took a turn for the wurst.

Wordplay Joke

I found out Einstein was having an affair with my wife.
I confronted him and said, "What's the big idea?"
In the two hours of his explanation, never understood a word he said.
But I could tell, he knew the gravity of the situation.

Wordplay Joke

My dad has loads of photos of his blood vessels around the house.
He's so vein.

Wordplay Joke

Did you hear about the red ship and the blue ship that collided?
The survivors were marooned.

Wordplay Joke

Convicted criminals run in my family.

Wordplay Joke

Just got my hand stuck in a jar of gherkins and can't get it out!
I'll tell you what, i'm in a right pickle!

Wordplay Joke

I was born with a Maris Piper growing from the side of my head.
I've since had it amputatoed.

Wordplay Joke

A German got into a weird state of mind, got confused then got lost.
He didn't know vertigo.

Wordplay Joke

I rang the call centre looking for a job.
The man said, "Have you got any telephone skills?"
"Well," I replied. "I phoned you."

Wordplay Joke

Does anybody else enjoy eating finely shredded brains?
Grate minds and all that...

Wordplay Joke

Finding another meaning for the word simple should be quite easy.

Wordplay Joke

Every day i get to bend over children and tell them to open wide.
I love being a dentist.

Wordplay Joke

Im Rich Beyond My Wildest Dreams.
I still don't have any money, I just changed my name to make myself feel better.

Wordplay Joke

I was in a club last night when I started speaking to a beautiful young lady who unfortunately happened to be in a wheelchair. After an hour or so of chatting, I plucked up the courage to ask for her phone number.
I've just tried to ring her, but I couldn't get through though,
Must have been because it was an Invalid number.

Wordplay Joke

I just recently bought a computer shaped like a car.
It crashed

Wordplay Joke

I took up fencing the other day.
The neighbour wasnt too happy though.