Wordplay Joke

I saw a drunken German Amy Winehouse impersonator collapse in the street today.
I asked her if I should call someone. She said "nein, nein, nein"

Wordplay Joke

I was having a great time at a party the other night when all of a sudden I got hit in the face with a roll of toilet roll.
Wiped the smile right off my face.

Wordplay Joke

Haemophiliacs; they're bleedin' all over the place!

Wordplay Joke

So i heard this new E-coli disease causes major problems to your digestive system and kidneys...
Gutted.

Wordplay Joke

I took a girl back to mine the other night. We went to bed and I started to undress. She looked puzzled and said,
"I thought you said you had at least a foot!"
I went, "No! I said I had athletes foot."

Wordplay Joke

The accelerator on my DeLorean got stuck down but I managed to catch it in time.

Wordplay Joke

My wife's leaving me because she says I'm to much of a coward.
Well, I stood right up and told her what I thought about her, as soon as she left.

Wordplay Joke

I always get the urge to tell fart jokes, but I never follow through with it.

Wordplay Joke

I've got a mate with no confidence at all and I call him the Frightened Balloon.
He's just so scared of being let down.

Wordplay Joke

I Klingon to all hope that there will be another season of Star Trek.

Wordplay Joke

Business in my pub has been way down since I fitted it with draught excluders.

Wordplay Joke

I congratulated a toilet cubicle earlier.
It was recently engaged

Wordplay Joke

What do you call a camp Jedi?
Obi Have

Wordplay Joke

A well-known rodeo performer has died in hospital, his death is being blamed on the physiotherapy he was receiving.
Fans have got together and released a tribute song - Physio killed the rodeo star.

Wordplay Joke

I think that if Apple started making footwear, it would cause some major iShoes.

Wordplay Joke

It's very frustrating.
I want a book on how to fix automatic gearboxes....
.... but the library only has manuals

Wordplay Joke

I let a jamacian cut and style my hair.
It looks dreadful.

Wordplay Joke

What's the difference between Christians & Polar Bears.
Christians pray in chapels & polar bears prey on Chapples.

Wordplay Joke

I can see why people like comfort food but I'm not so keen on the drink, tastes like fabric conditioner.

Wordplay Joke

The manager of DFS has been spotted outside the local primary school giving away suites

Wordplay Joke

I was arrested for stealing an electric car after the battery ran flat.
I was released without charge.

Wordplay Joke

Libya - the only country whose national credit rating has the same name as its capital city.

Wordplay Joke

Women are like lawn mowers.
If you're not pushing one around, then you're riding it.

Wordplay Joke

I went to Old Trafford today to enquire about hiring a box.
They didn't have any so I had to stand on my mate's shoulders.

Wordplay Joke

Did you hear about the middle-eastern sprinter?
Iran