Wordplay Joke

I've invented a dance where you just stand still on the spot.
But there's a twist.

Wordplay Joke

"Do or do not, there is no try".
Yoda didn't last long as our rugby coach.

Wordplay Joke

I can't believe My Luck
She's the Chinese girl in work and she's an awful liar.

Wordplay Joke

I was on a forum earlier and it said 'Read 1024 times'...
I thought 'That's an odd request'

Wordplay Joke

I walked downstairs this morning to find an obese monk meditating in the middle of my kitchen.
"What on Earth's this?!" I asked my wife, utterly perplexed.
"Well," she said.
"You did say we should get a deep, fat Friar."

Wordplay Joke

I was playing chess against my mates daughter, when he left the room.
I made the first move...

Wordplay Joke

I hit my mate in the knee with a hammer and his leg kicked out wildly. He got really angry about it and walked off.
I think I may have struck a nerve.

Wordplay Joke

Our opening performance of The Wind in The Willows had to be cancelled.
The lead actor was caught illegally parked so he couldn't make it.
He was towed.

Wordplay Joke

West Ham are like Lady Penelope.
No Parker, no drive.

Wordplay Joke

I went online shopping for the wife today.
thaibrides.com has a brilliant variety.

Wordplay Joke

I've been diagnosed as having an unusual condition of thinking I am better than inanimate objects. The floor is a prime example.
It's beneath me.

Wordplay Joke

My wife puts out literally all the time.
It's only three points, I always win at Scabble.

Wordplay Joke

I heard on the radio there's been extensive corruption in Syria.
Nothing new. I always suspected Italian football was a bit dodgy.

Wordplay Joke

I wanted to go and visit Wolverhampton Wanderers' stadium so I asked my mate John and his wife Molly for directions.
John didn't know but fortunately, Molyneux.

Wordplay Joke

I stand accused of unleashing a sleep-inducing gas in a courtroom.
The jury's still out.

Wordplay Joke

I met this woman at an African Charity event last night.
She said 'Me and my husband are giving people."
I said "Try giving water instead, they seem to prefer that."

Wordplay Joke

I was spoon-fed until I was old enough to say I hated eating cutlery.

Wordplay Joke

I was stripping down some copper, when suddenly, she awoke.

Wordplay Joke

I've got some designer turbans for sale at discount prices.
They fell off the back of a camel.

Wordplay Joke

Man goes up to a woman in a bar
Man: "Hi, I'd like you to temporarily relax your standards in exchange for money"
Woman "What sort of woman do you think I am?"
Man: "Sorry...that came out wrong. I meant 'Can I buy you a drink?'"

Wordplay Joke

What country does not yet have a flag (but will get around to designing one next week)?
The Procrasti Nation...

Wordplay Joke

I find drag racing very straightforward.

Wordplay Joke

I've got a great tip for a horse....
Try sleeping lying down, it's far more comfortable.

Wordplay Joke

BigPond news: 'A man dressed in a Darth Vader costume has robbed a bank in New York at gunpoint.'
Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Bank.

Wordplay Joke

I was listening to the radio earlier and a song by Pete Doherty really inspired me.
So I walked into my bedroom, picked up my guitar, and sold it so I could go out and buy some crack.