Wordplay Joke

I Just took a picture of my wife on a nudist beach.
Luckily it's to grainy to make out.

Wordplay Joke

In today's economic climate, my business is going down the drain.
Well, I do own a soap company.

Wordplay Joke

When my wife lost her arms in an accident I eventually divorced her after a year.
She just never gave a toss.

Wordplay Joke

My car broke down on my way to work this morning.
It was really disturbing to see it cry.

Wordplay Joke

I quit my job as a Chiropractor today. It's not all it's cracked up to be.

Wordplay Joke

A human foot washed up on the banks of the river Mersey today as did one in the river Thames and the Humber!
Three feet in one day!
I've called the yard.

Wordplay Joke

People have some strange fetishes, but i've got to say, I'm a sucker for lollipop ladies.

Wordplay Joke

I met a really Dirty girl last night in the pub.
After flirting with her for ages, i took her home and gave her exactly what she was needing.
A Bath.

Wordplay Joke

I was out in the town this afternoon and actually caught my son shoplifting.
I had no idea he was that strong.

Wordplay Joke

Sky News: Jimmy Nail In Hospital With Lung Cancer.
Oh well, may as well stick another nail in the coffin.

Wordplay Joke

''What's the matter?'' said the trainee to the Brain surgeon.

Wordplay Joke

I spent hours studying the pyramids today.
I've concluded they're much nicer than the round tea bags.

Wordplay Joke

The only thing my wife wants me to do spontaneously on Valentines day is combust.

Wordplay Joke

My mate from Belfast is claiming the sickness benefit by pretending there's something wrong with his lower leg. He's doing a Sinn Fein.

Wordplay Joke

I was sat plucking away at my guitar when I thought...
...this thing doesn't have any feathers.

Wordplay Joke

I was working a broad last week.
She loved it.

Wordplay Joke

Are Focus Groups newer versions of Escort Agencies?

Wordplay Joke

My missus said that she would like a DS for Christmas.
I'm not sure about that, I don't really fancy adopting a Downs Syndrome kid.

Wordplay Joke

Just bought my new Gibson guitar.
Strings attached.

Wordplay Joke

I was having a heart to heart with my oyster family, but they just wouldn't open up.

Wordplay Joke

Overs... Worst To Best:
1) Comb
2) Hang
3) Left
4) Make
5) Leg

Wordplay Joke

Today, my girlfriend made a great sandwich.
And there was enough of her left over to make a curry afterwards.

Wordplay Joke

You ever noticed an unwanted child can fit through a 12 storey window...?
I'm just throwing it out there...

Wordplay Joke

The memory of someone hitting me in the head with a chisel is forever engraved in my mind.

Wordplay Joke

Each time I tried shooting blindfolded I found it an aimless pursuit.