Wordplay Joke

I'm writing a television show called "The year"
Hopefully it will last for four seasons

Wordplay Joke

The wife's just cooked up a huge pot of Corned Beef Hash
I don't know why, but I can't stop eating it.

Wordplay Joke

BBC News: Police hunt fees demo 'criminals'
Have they bothered to check the Houses of Parliament yet?

Wordplay Joke

I've found some clues as to who stole the foundations of the new building but unfortunately, no concrete evidence.

Wordplay Joke

I often wake up wondering....
...isn't sleepwalking dangerous ?

Wordplay Joke

I woke up this morning with pins and needles in both my hands.
Threw them at the wife.

Wordplay Joke

In my new stand up show I have learnt to take my time between Jokes 60 seconds works fine.
It's a laugh a minute.

Wordplay Joke

What do stroke victims and halfcasts have in common?
Only half works.

Wordplay Joke

I was walking the dog, and before I went into the shop for cigarettes, I tied him to the lampost.
He now has severely twisted and broken bones.

Wordplay Joke

Last night me and my girlfriend were playing games. We were having fun on the bed and we just couldn't keep anything on! Just kept going up, down, up, down.
God I love playing Buckaroo.

Wordplay Joke

I gave my girlfriend a drugged confectionery that allowed me to put a harness on her head so i can ride her from behind like a cowboy. Not the kind of bridle sweet she was expecting.

Wordplay Joke

In a couple of weeks time, I'm going to lead a group of thugs & destroy the Royal family & parliament.
It's my New Years Revolution.

Wordplay Joke

I entered the National Mopping Championship.
I cleaned up.

Wordplay Joke

I've just been complimented by a junkie.
High praise indeed.

Wordplay Joke

A friend of mine is a Community Support Officer and he desperately wants to be a real copper.
It's his birthday next week - I'm gonna buy him twenty quids worth of truncheon vouchers.

Wordplay Joke

My wife accused me of having the words most deadly fart,
She wouldn't leave me alone until I emitted it.

Wordplay Joke

Imagine a world without apathetical situations...
Actually, you probably wouldn't care.

Wordplay Joke

I find it difficult to write on those touch screen monitors.
So it's back to the drawing board.

Wordplay Joke

I was laying awake in bed last night trying to get off for ages.
In the end I gave up and fell sleep.

Wordplay Joke

I killed my brother whist I was drink driving.
Golf ball right between the eyes.

Wordplay Joke

The police gave me a severe warning yesterday for undertaking in the hard shoulder of the motorway.
They didn't so much mind the top hat and horse and carriage, but felt embalming a body in full daylight was offputting to other drivers.

Wordplay Joke

The police gave me a severe warning yesterday for undertaking in the hard shoulder of the motorway.
They didn't so much mind the top hat and horse and carriage, but felt embalming a body in full daylight was offputting to other drivers.

Wordplay Joke

Mary Byrne got a Brazilian.
Literally.

Wordplay Joke

Pirate DVDs. i don't get it, they don't even have TVs

Wordplay Joke

Pirate DVDs. i don't get it, they don't even have TVs