Wordplay Joke

I've just seen ET being carried away from the supermarket in London...
I take it they're going to go back for the SCO.

Wordplay Joke

Admiral Carpets in Birmingham was looted during the riots. Police are said to be on the lookout for a rug dealer.

Wordplay Joke

My wife has been smoking very heavily lately. It was that bad, friends would even complain of the smell when they came round to the house.
Maybe I shouldn't have set her on fire.

Wordplay Joke

I was doing a Maths exam and a question on probability came up.
What are the odds?

Wordplay Joke

This joke is like a simile...
Even with an explanation, the Americans still won't get it.

Wordplay Joke

I've just seen that dirty gypsy enter the big brother house...
I hate Kerry Katona.

Wordplay Joke

I'm really looking forward to the Nottingh Hill Carnival on this bank holiday monday.
it should be a riot.

Wordplay Joke

After 25 years of shrill, shrieking marriage, I finally found the courage to ditch my wife
....fingers crossed the police won't find it

Wordplay Joke

The wife asked me to share some of the different types of beer I'd brought back from the supermarket.
She got my special bruise.

Wordplay Joke

Bono - putting the 'poser' into 'composer'.

Wordplay Joke

Did I enjoy my time as a trampoline coach?
It had its up and downs.

Wordplay Joke

I had a good day at the bookies and was throwing my money around in the pub tonight.
Got thrown out when the bouncer took a fifty pence on the chin.

Wordplay Joke

"This changes everything!"
I said as I found my old Tip-Ex.

Wordplay Joke

It was getting late last night playing scrabble with a couple of girls when I yawned and thought, I'm going to have to catch some zedz soon.
And a triple word score or I'm going to lose to this pair of slags.

Wordplay Joke

Whats the difference between Spurs forward line & a woman urinating in public?
Ones got Peter Crouch, the others gotta crouch to pee.

Wordplay Joke

The general public really seem to have it in for me today,
Or the Jury as they are meant to be called...

Wordplay Joke

My wife has left me because of my obsession with 70's glam rock bands.
Yes. Sweet.

Wordplay Joke

I bought my baby son Microsoft Office.
It's his first Word.

Wordplay Joke

I had 7 minute relationship with a solicitor behind my wife's back.
It was a brief affair.

Wordplay Joke

Circles...
they've lost their edge.

Wordplay Joke

Police in Southampton have seized over 300 million pounds worth of Cocaine
Lets just hope they follow the right lines of enquiry

Wordplay Joke

I just dropped a porcelain voodoo doll that was an heirloom from my mother-in-law. My wife's shattered.

Wordplay Joke

I've just read a piece in the newspaper about the mentally handicapped........... It was a special report.

Wordplay Joke

Apparently when Rowan Atkinson crashed his McClaren F1 he injured his groin on the gear stick.
Now he's got a Blackbladder.

Wordplay Joke

I almost won the final of the "Don't take off your blindfold" Olympics, but I peaked too soon.