Wordplay Joke

I will never forget the time I beat Jeremy Beadle at Poker.
It was quite easy really I had a better hand than him.

Wordplay Joke

I've started a business supplying salt, pepper and vinegar direct to restaurant cooks.
It's called "My condiments to the chef"

Wordplay Joke

My dad once strayed to close to a black hole and got pulled in.
He didn't fully appreciate the gravity of the situation.

Wordplay Joke

1 in 8 people say they have fallen asleep at the wheel. I've always said the London Eye was boring.

Wordplay Joke

Sky Sports: "McCarthy loving Wolves life"
That's all well and good, but shouldn't he be focusing on pre-season training rather than running in packs and howling at the moon?

Wordplay Joke

My girlfriend just said, "I hope the present you're buying me for my birthday fits."
"Corset will, fatty." I replied.

Wordplay Joke

My cat has been scratching in the living room all day.
I wish I never taught it to DJ.

Wordplay Joke

Boy: hey! My father's name is laughing and my mother's name is smiling..
Girl: really?? You must be kidding !
Boy: no, no, that's my brother.. I'm joking !

Wordplay Joke

I've been waiting for the postman to come for ages, but he's still not even hard yet.

Wordplay Joke

If you see a vicar walking around covered in bolognese, don't worry; it's just the local pastor.

Wordplay Joke

I'm usually very good at remembering things, but last night I forgot what Al Yankovic's nickname was.
I thought: "That's weird".

Wordplay Joke

MSN News; Trusted courier led the US to bin Laden.
Thousand's of troops, millions of pounds of technology, and all it really took was a nice bloke from DHL.

Wordplay Joke

My wife sometimes goes to selfridges to buy her clothes.
Times are hard.

Wordplay Joke

I was watching the Never Ending Story earlier.
It finished about half an hour ago...

Wordplay Joke

It's the birthday of my ice cream business today.
It's been a rocky road.

Wordplay Joke

I sat there and smiled as my brothers kids played in their sandpit on a warm summers day. Sure, it's a little annoying when they fill my shoes up with wet sand or put handfuls in my coat pocket, but I'll have the last laugh as soon as they find the landmine

Wordplay Joke

I've invented a container which when poured, plays cool jazz music.
It's a hip flask.

Wordplay Joke

I'm going to make a fortune making posh hats.
This time next month, I'll be a milliner.

Wordplay Joke

On the one hand, I want to lose weight.
But on the other hand, doughnut.

Wordplay Joke

As a child, I always wanted to be a Power Ranger when I grew up.
I got my wish. I sell extension cords now.

Wordplay Joke

Just bought a genuine Apple corkscrew.
It's a real iOpener.

Wordplay Joke

The local town executioner has had his basket stolen.
Heads are going to roll.

Wordplay Joke

If size doesn't matter then why don't my shoes fit?

Wordplay Joke

SKY NEWS- Take that Gigs: Drunk Women Spark A&E Surge
Personaly, I dont see how this would affect him.

Wordplay Joke

SKY NEWS- Take that Gigs: Drunk Women Spark A&E Surge
Personaly, I dont see how this would affect him.