Wordplay Joke

My mate wants to go to New York but doesn't know how to go there.
I thought it was plane obvious.

Wordplay Joke

It takes a lot of guts to eat as a much as I do.

Wordplay Joke

If kanye can steal the mic so easily, can taylor really be called swift?

Wordplay Joke

I don't know why people make such a fuss about spring water.
It tastes the same in the winter to me.

Wordplay Joke

I was tricked into buying some drugs by a swarm of wasps.
It was a sting operation.

Wordplay Joke

My wife suprised me on my birthday with another hand crafted sculpture from pork.
Unsuprisingly, she made a pigs ear out of it.

Wordplay Joke

I've had 3 dates so far this week.
I prefer prunes though.

Wordplay Joke

I just heard that Aston Villa beat Hull City 2-.
Which was a bit of a result.

Wordplay Joke

All these maths related puns are just ridiculous.
People should really get out more.....you might even get a tan!

Wordplay Joke

Raoul Moat must have had a heart attack, his original complaint before he died was that he was having 'shooting pains'

Wordplay Joke

Ever since Wimbledon finished I haven't been able to stop crying, I'm off my food and I just can't seem to see the point in being alive at all.
The doctor says I've got post-nadal depression.

Wordplay Joke

I asked my anaesthetist friend if I could borrow his bottle of Ether.
He said, "Sure, knock yourself out".

Wordplay Joke

"Ninja" isn't in my phone's predictive text.
How ironic.

Wordplay Joke

I find it extremely hard playing with my sister's kids.

Wordplay Joke

I bought some casings yesterday which allow rotation of mechanical components, but got lost on the way to collect them.
Took a while to get my bearings.

Wordplay Joke

I bought some casings yesterday which allow rotation of mechanical components, but got lost on the way to collect them.
Took a while to get my bearings.

Wordplay Joke

I was robbed earlier. They ran in stabbed me in the chest, stole my TV and just randomly threw my Xbox games everywhere.
There was Call of Duty to my right, next to that was Half Life, then me, Left for Dead.

Wordplay Joke

Could Tom run out of petrol?
No, but Jerry can.

Wordplay Joke

If I make fun of a group of people running around on a track, does that make me a racist?

Wordplay Joke

Im supporting my mentally ill brother, I wish he'd get down my arms are killing me.

Wordplay Joke

I would never dream of hurting my wife.
Because then I'd have to wake up and see that she was OK.

Wordplay Joke

Just been shopping at Farmfoods,
got three bales of hay and a bucket of pig swill.

Wordplay Joke

My wife walked in on me eating out her sister the other day. Instead of going mad at me, she slipped her knickers off, lay on the bed and spread her legs.
I didn't know where to put my face.

Wordplay Joke

I can't believe it, just got a restraining order by Cheryl Cole just for following her on Twitter for the last year.
Twitter being my nickname for my moped.

Wordplay Joke

"Lock, Stock, and Two Smoking Barrels" is mostly a very violent film, but in the end they have buried the Hatchet.