Wordplay Joke

My wife said, "Why did you spend so much money on food?"
I replied, "You and the kids won't eat anything else."

Wordplay Joke

Thought I would try shaving with my back to the mirror, but I can't see myself doing that

Wordplay Joke

My mates off travelling around Thailand tomorrow on his own, I asked him who he was flying with?
He replied ''I dont know till I see them on the plane''

Wordplay Joke

As a large animal vet I was asked to make a prosthetic hand device for a grizzly bear. Have I made a faux paw?

Wordplay Joke

My friend was giving me an amazing lecture about how he'd got rid of most of the area on his chairs.
Really had me on the edge of my seat.

Wordplay Joke

I saw this woman today on the side of the road surveying people about different types of women's clothing.
It was path-etique.

Wordplay Joke

Sky News: Stag party plunges 100ft in hotel lift terror
Oh Dear...

Wordplay Joke

Scientists have developed an Insect that devours muslim temples.
The Mosque eater.

Wordplay Joke

My mate was on about how he didn't understand why paki's bless their meat, so I said,
"Halal me to explain."

Wordplay Joke

I saw a picture of my wife on the internet.
I showed it to her and asked what I had to ask.
"When did we have that computer chair?"

Wordplay Joke

I'm getting sick and tired of all this whitehaven nonsense.
That's why I've insisted that my girlfriend gets an all over tan this summer.

Wordplay Joke

BBC Sport: France refuse to train after row
I can sympathise, their arms must've been knackered

Wordplay Joke

I had to quit my job at a Cane Factory because I was getting too much stick

Wordplay Joke

I've invented a Velcro condom.
Experts have criticised the idea but I'm sticking with it.

Wordplay Joke

There's been some impressive rallies at Wimbledon this year. No way near as good as the Nuremburg ones though.

Wordplay Joke

I've been looking for a dog to take round the streets of Bradford to attack pakis with. I can't seem to find the right type though.
You just can't get the Staff nowadays.

Wordplay Joke

I bought an inflatable tank yesterday...
It was really hard to blow up.

Wordplay Joke

When I'm not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded.

Wordplay Joke

My smelly,Scottish wife of 15yrs called Pamela walked out on me recently and i must say i love the smell of nay pam in the morning

Wordplay Joke

A man becomes a monk and on the first day he is shown around the place and learning the regulations. Eventually they go into a room and on the wall there is a huge plate made out of precious metal and various markings on it labeled with numbers. The man, astonished, reached out towards it when one of the senior monks stopped him and said.
Don't touch it, its the golden rule.

Wordplay Joke

Corpoliticallyrect.
That's politically in correct.

Wordplay Joke

I am well into modern line dancing.
I jump around like crazy after half a gram.

Wordplay Joke

Formula 1 is for racists

Wordplay Joke

I work in a factory where it's my job to fit metal pipes to the back of cars to release waste fumes into the atmosphere.
It's exhausting.

Wordplay Joke

I went up to this guy and told him to pick up a twig.
The man said "Are you coming on to me?"
I replied "Mate, you've got the wrong end of the stick!"