Wordplay Joke

Two people from my local church came to my door today but this time they weren't trying to convert me..
They were advertising a new gym,
Jehovah's fitness.

Wordplay Joke

I was watching Don King ordering his contractors to suspend a boxing ring in mid air using four cranes when I suddenly thought to myself...........Hang a bout?

Wordplay Joke

I entered a contest to see who could draw the most slight and straight line down the near edge of an A4 sheet of paper.
I won, but just by the faintest of margins.

Wordplay Joke

I hate the smoke ban in pubs and clubs across England, it's affected me more than your average bloke.
I'm a magician and everybody can see my tricks.

Wordplay Joke

God knows why I ordered my new bathroom from an iphone app.
Four weeks later and sink still in progress

Wordplay Joke

BBC NEWS: "Heskey to miss next 4 games over knee injury"
Once again we find the words "Heskey" and "miss" in the same sentence...

Wordplay Joke

The good old Amercian 'G.I.' .. "Gee I didn't mean to kill your hostage"

Wordplay Joke

Got stuck on a question earlier:
If a schizophrenic has 24 sweets & he shares them equally with a spastic, how many each will they get?
I never could do mental maths.

Wordplay Joke

I never really got "Masters of the Universe."
But then again, I hadn't even done a Bachelors of the Universe.

Wordplay Joke

On firework night, I ate some green salad to go with my burger
but it exploded in my face.....Too much rocket.

Wordplay Joke

I'm totally opposed to child labour.
If children start forming political parties, it might be the end of cheap trainers.

Wordplay Joke

There's a doctor at my hospital who's obsessed with Fawlty Towers.
Every time he walks onto a ward he asks, "Is this man well?"

Wordplay Joke

I've just checked the BBC Weather Forecast, and it said 'UK Summary'.
Which is surprising, considering it's November.

Wordplay Joke

Well, my wife should be on the plane about now.
She's taking an inch off the bottom of the kitchen door.

Wordplay Joke

I saw my dad down on his allotment yesterday. He was telling me hed had an overwhelming urge to pick this pungent herb, he was growing.
Then he said he did it again, then again. He said, it went on and on, just couldnt stop.
I thought, hes got far too much thyme on his hands.

Wordplay Joke

September 11 was the result the worst computer virus ever seen. Ive never seen a crash of windows like it.

Wordplay Joke

I always used to enjoy the occasional chocolate brownie, which was all well and good, until Childline found out.

Wordplay Joke

Raising pigs, pretty boaring work if you ask me.

Wordplay Joke

My best mate is a taxidermist. He really knows his stuff.

Wordplay Joke

SKY News: "Madeleine mum prays for daughter's abductors".
Kate, you little minx.

Wordplay Joke

I was trying to convince my best mate that arrow-construction was easy.
The wooden shaft I made was a bit flimsy. But I think I made my point well.

Wordplay Joke

I don't get Sickipedia jokes.
My black slave gets them for me.

Wordplay Joke

I've just cast my vote and I'm confident I've made the right decision. They've been seen to be tough on blacks and that's good enough for me.
Yup, Cheryl Cole got my backing for the FHM awards.

Wordplay Joke

Since the start of the recession I've been trying to make every penny count.
They still haven't learned.

Wordplay Joke

Before i went on my two week cruise my friend wrote down some advice about sailing,
I took it all on board.