Wordplay Joke

Why did I divide sin by tan?
Just cos.

Wordplay Joke

I was only young when I learned to count.
It was odd at first, even then.

Wordplay Joke

I'm sick and tired of radical Muslims getting all the attention in the media.
What about all the awesome Buddhists, gnarly Hindus and most excellent Jews?

Wordplay Joke

When James Bond is out of his home country of England, is he known as +44 07?

Wordplay Joke

I used to live on the 13th floor but have just moved up to the 14th floor
But that's another storey.

Wordplay Joke

I've just stolen loads of swimming inflatables.
I'd better lilo.

Wordplay Joke

Ramadan.
Putting the slim back into Muslim.

Wordplay Joke

Abstinence makes the church grow fondlers.

Wordplay Joke

What's worse than finding a maggot in your apple?
Finding a vein in your sausage.

Wordplay Joke

People who are opposed to bringing back capital punishment, often argue that the death penalty has no effect on re-offending rates.
I couldn't agree more. I've lost count of the number of times I've been mugged by a corpse.

Wordplay Joke

I was recently asked about my views on euthanasia.
I said they all look the same to me.

Wordplay Joke

You invented Tipp-Ex didn't you?
Correct me If I'm wrong....

Wordplay Joke

Me and my mate have just been fighting over which is the best vowel.
I won.

Wordplay Joke

I make 1,000,000 a month cleaning Windows.
I invented Norton Anti-virus.

Wordplay Joke

My new telly is brilliant, it shows 50 frames per second.
I managed to watch the whole of the snooker world championships in less than a minute.

Wordplay Joke

I am a conscientious man, when I throw rocks at seabirds I leave no tern unstoned. ...

Wordplay Joke

Today, a guy put a gun to my head and demanded a coconut-filled chocolate bar.
I hate Bounty Hunters.

Wordplay Joke

Did you hear about the scarecrow that won an award?
He was outstanding in his field.

Wordplay Joke

Major car collision on Spaghetti Junction: 12 injured, 4 pasta way.

Wordplay Joke

People call me Mr Compromise.
Wasn't my first choice for a nickname, but I can live with it.

Wordplay Joke

I spent some time at my wife's grave earlier.
She's not dead - she thinks I'm digging a pond.

Wordplay Joke

I recently found a round, black piece of plastic, with a hole in the middle and grooves on both sides.
I picked it up and threw it. It flew for more than 300 yards.
I'm sure that must have been a record.

Wordplay Joke

My Wife said she wanted Chanel No. 5 for her Birthday.
She's going to be made up, all I had to do was re-tune the freeview box.

Wordplay Joke

Who would have thought... Tiger's a Cheetah.

Wordplay Joke

Today, my girlfriend told me on the phone that we were breaking up. I went outside and the signal improved.