Wordplay Joke

What do you call a paedophile who thinks secondary school kids are too old?
A primary suspect.

Wordplay Joke

I like to have a nice warm bowl of fabric softener whenever I feel ill.
Comfort food.

Wordplay Joke

Why did the person who invented Microsoft Powerpoint cross the road?
To get to the other slide.

Wordplay Joke

I'm part of the Warburtons family because I'm inter-bread.

Wordplay Joke

A couple of my mates lost their jobs at the bingo hall...
Unlucky for some.

Wordplay Joke

My sister called me today to tell me about my new born niece, and told me that they'd decided to name her Courage.
I thought, "that's brave."

Wordplay Joke

An ant just crawled under my keyboard. But I have it under ctrl.

Wordplay Joke

My mate just told me he's moving to Bel Air...
What a Bel Air'nd.

Wordplay Joke

I had to quit my job as a comedic fashion designer.
I didn't have enough material.

Wordplay Joke

What do you call a crossdressing dinosaur?
Trannysourus rex.

Wordplay Joke

I bought a pair of shoes with a built-in iPod but I could only walk extremely slowly.
Then I realised I had it on shuffle.

Wordplay Joke

Keep getting caught speeding in 30mph zones.
They're clearly not my forte.

Wordplay Joke

I was in a playground and got hit in the eye with a swing.
Now I see sore.

Wordplay Joke

I recently lost my job in a shoe shop for accidentally causing a fire.
It was sole destroying.

Wordplay Joke

I was deep in thought this morning.
Then i realised, Thought is a stupid name for a cat.

Wordplay Joke

A woman kept bugging me in town to buy some singing lessons.
I have to admit, She had an impressive pitch.

Wordplay Joke

Our local chemist stopped selling Strepsils
They will be sorely missed

Wordplay Joke

Having to mark GCSE papers from a comprehensive school, where everybody always scores lower than a C, is very degrading.

Wordplay Joke

I've told all my friends I have a hot date tonight.
It sounds better than saying ''I'm eating warm fruit''

Wordplay Joke

I just took a pound into Poundstretchers
I came out with a Pooouuund

Wordplay Joke

Just watched Interview with the Vampire, I'm confused.
Did he get the job?

Wordplay Joke

All the small local Pizza companies have been forced to shut down.
It's the Domino's Effect.

Wordplay Joke

Take a tip from me.
I've got loads, but only one snooker cue.

Wordplay Joke

I saw this guy who held a heart in his hand that seemed to talk.
I think he was a ventricleoquist.

Wordplay Joke

I told my girlfriend that for our joint christmas present i think we should go and see europe,she seems far more excited than i thought,afterall the only song she knows is the final countdown..weird