Wordplay Joke

I was reading all about how differently the North Koreans see life compared to the rest of the people around the world.
For example, whilst in the rest of the world, being a footballer is seen as one of the most celebrated and glamorous careers a man can have, in North Korea it is just seen as a dead end job.

Wordplay Joke

In the circus, I could travel across a tightrope doing a handstand using no hands or feet.
I was the head line act.

Wordplay Joke

Msn News: Baby killed by falling branch, she had a savings account with Northern Rock

Wordplay Joke

I started work today designing cul-de-sacs.
I know it's a dead end job.

Wordplay Joke

I gave my girlfriend a grilling after suspecting her of sleeping around.
I give her 'third degree' burns.

Wordplay Joke

Top Tip: A very generous amount of cash given for services rendered at a dining or drinking establishment.

Wordplay Joke

I'm a getaway driver.
I drive the coach to the airport.

Wordplay Joke

I've been negotiating my release.
My wife says one hand job, twice a week.

Wordplay Joke

I've been out ploughing snow all day.
I still don't think any crops are going to grow in it though.

Wordplay Joke

I was going to build a house out of straw...
but then I bricked it.

Wordplay Joke

I have now played over 500 football matches for my club but have failed to score in any of them.
The other players just don't fancy me.

Wordplay Joke

English lesson 4.7
Moosing; (Verb) To Moose; or in the act, Moosing. the playful game of pulling faces behind the back of one's partner whilst engaging in "Doggy style" coitus- with fingers spread wide and thumbs against one's temples...As though mimicking a moose.

Wordplay Joke

I have a very strong religious conviction.
25 to life for killing three priests.

Wordplay Joke

I see that homeless people are becoming a bigger and bigger topic in election debates.
You could say that they're becoming a "Big Issue".

Wordplay Joke

A mate of mine said a group of us "No one go left!"
I said "Alright"

Wordplay Joke

Last night I won the French kissing contest hands down.
It was good to let other contestants taste defeet.

Wordplay Joke

I went to a cafe earlier and asked for a Fosters
The women said we only do soft drinks
I said that's good, I don't want a fight
But I still want my Fosters

Wordplay Joke

The local fortune teller was in a really good mood after accurately predicting this weeks winning lottery numbers.
So I punched her in the face.
I do like to strike a happy medium!

Wordplay Joke

I don't like to toot my own horn.
That's why I failed my driving test.

Wordplay Joke

I can't stand all the Latin abbreviations they use at Summer college.
I only really enrolled to get away from et al.

Wordplay Joke

My son got thrown out of the school choir for lowering the tone.
His voice broke.

Wordplay Joke

This erection is getting out of hand.

Wordplay Joke

I used to date a girl who loved smashing Disney Pixar DVDs all by herself...
But she broke Up with me.

Wordplay Joke

Sad to hear about that pastor who died from a snake bite. Apparently it always used to be well behaved - goes to show you can't always trust a civil serpent.

Wordplay Joke

Yahoo News: Preacher dies after snake bite.
Looks like someone can't handle their drink.