Wordplay Joke

I told my mate I was taking a girl on an Italian holiday.
He asked, "Genoa?"
I said, "Of course I do, I wouldn't go on holiday with a stranger."

Wordplay Joke

A builder threw a handful of cement at my face....
I was rendered speechless.

Wordplay Joke

My son was complaining about his mathematics teacher setting his homework in invisible ink.
I couldn't see what the problem was.

Wordplay Joke

Inflation has gone up yet again.
30p to do all my car tyres now.

Wordplay Joke

There's a fine line between my rolled up 10 note and the coffee table.

Wordplay Joke

I saw a sign that said ''Stay away from Cliff edge.''
I've never met him but he sounds horrible.

Wordplay Joke

I was sitting in the dentists.chair today. "Open up for me please" he said. So I told him I was abused as a child, my dad was an alcoholic........

Wordplay Joke

In an attempt to self medicate, I've just drunk some window cleaner.
I've got this sort of dull pane.

Wordplay Joke

I dont know what animal the Sham is.
But its poo has done wonders for my hair

Wordplay Joke

Maddie's Kidnapper.
Taking the 'gal' out of 'Portugal'.

Wordplay Joke

Top tip for Muslim suicide bombers:
Practice makes Perfect..,,,

Wordplay Joke

I want to put up some kind of barrier between me and the neighbours, but don't want to cause a fence.

Wordplay Joke

I've decided to move to Saudi Arabia to open a bar that sells only milk sheikh's

Wordplay Joke

Force feeding pig meat to Muslims:
It puts the ham in Mohammed.

Wordplay Joke

I watched these two dwarf guys start throwing punches at each other in the car park today.
It was probably the shortest fight I had ever seen.

Wordplay Joke

I can still remember the first time I saw the movie The Terminator. A few friends and I went along to the local cinema, which was packed out as it was the opening night, and we managed to get some seats together.
About halfway through the film I got up to have a slash and, when I came back, I had no idea where my seat was.
I was about to start hunting around in the dark when a voice rang out giving me clear directions back to where I and my friends were. It said, "Aisle B - back."

Wordplay Joke

North Korea 'fires more missiles' : What a tragedy that the recession is even affecting the employment of missiles.

Wordplay Joke

I was at the hospital this morning giving blood.
Met this really nice girl but she wasn't my type.

Wordplay Joke

I used to be in a band called Amoeba, but we split.

Wordplay Joke

just seen someone's facebook status...... "Thinks her birthday period could b messy"
bit too much information love....

Wordplay Joke

Just about to watch Momento. It was great.

Wordplay Joke

I really get on with my local tailors.
They suit me.

Wordplay Joke

The Financial Services Authority has said it's to "clamp down on mis-selling."
I really think they should sort out their own spelling before trying to correct other people's.

Wordplay Joke

Man walks into a bakers in Dundee.
'Excuse me, is that a macaroon or a meringue?'
'No, you're right sir - its a macaroon'

Wordplay Joke

Did a GCSE in honey making.
Got a B in it