Wordplay Joke

Mute shepherds: Hard to come by.

Wordplay Joke

I went shoplifting today.
I wouldn't recommend McDonalds, it's full of fat people.

Wordplay Joke

My wife is Jinxed.
Ironically, she's as unlucky as her name suggests.

Wordplay Joke

I've been trying to get my friends baby to say its first word all morning, I'm going to give it one more try then I'm going to knock it on the head.
Then if that doesn't work i give up.

Wordplay Joke

I'm the type of person that likes to think outside the quadrilateral parallelogram

Wordplay Joke

Old people get their kicks out of buckets..

Wordplay Joke

Bond looked into the Austrian's eyes. 'Your go,' Stumpf said coldly, confident he had won games like this, in casinos like this, against men like Bond a million times before.
A bead of sweat formed on Bond's lip as he made his move with an affected nonchalance.
'Snap,' he said, and lit a cigarette.

Wordplay Joke

I've been working on producing a 4D film for years now, but I just haven't got the time.

Wordplay Joke

I was on top of my game the other day. I stood on my monopoly board.

Wordplay Joke

Carol Vorderman came up to me yesterday and said ''A,E,I,O,U."
I thought ''That's vowel language.''

Wordplay Joke

I looked up a little girl's skirt this morning.
This is one of the many jobs I have to do in Mothercare's stock room.

Wordplay Joke

My friend Mike picked up a retired Army tank from a military auction last week for 20.
He really does drive a hard bargain.

Wordplay Joke

My wife said to me the other day that I talk about her like an animal.
Daft cow.

Wordplay Joke

My mate needed a bit of help building his clock.
So I gave him a hand.

Wordplay Joke

I seem to be getting more Spam than ever these days.
Maybe I should give the wife more housekeeping money?

Wordplay Joke

My French flatmate bought me a tutuzela.
He thought that a vuvuzela sounded too formal.

Wordplay Joke

Me and the wife always fight when we stand in doorways.
We're arch rivals.

Wordplay Joke

northumbria police have today taken seafood off all station canteen menus and are advising all staff that they will only have a little fishy on a little dishy when the moat comes in.

Wordplay Joke

I was driving down a country road the other day and saw a sign that said...
'7 Motorcyle Deaths in 7 Years' - I thought thank god im driving a car!

Wordplay Joke

My dad keeps buying bits for his new girlfriends car,
I told him not to spoiler.

Wordplay Joke

My wife just said to me "The birth of a child is the most exciting moment of any parents life."
Clearly, jumping in a cab and shouting "FOLLOW THAT CAR !" has never crossed her mind.

Wordplay Joke

After several fad diets and umpteen miraculous weight loss programmes, I told my wife that getting slim requires sacrifice.
So she killed our baby.

Wordplay Joke

I see Infinity Ward have added a new game mode to MW2 called "Barebones".
For the Africans then?

Wordplay Joke

I was once beaten up by Doris, Darren and Robin.
I didn't know what Day it was.

Wordplay Joke

The USA has always lagged behind Great Britain. Well I suppose that's time zones for you.