Wordplay Joke

What do you call a group of black people trekking around the north pole?
The Arctic Monkeys.

Wordplay Joke

Protractors.
Not recommended for amateur farmers.

Wordplay Joke

Harry Redknapp should definitely be the New England manager.
If anyone can lead the Patriots to the Super Bowl it would be him.

Wordplay Joke

Sky News: Flood At Mine Traps 28 Chinese Workers.
What were 28 Chinese workers doing at yours in the first place?

Wordplay Joke

I told a girl she drew her eyebrows on too high.
She looked pretty surprised.

Wordplay Joke

Once you go black, you probably should have changed the battery on your smoke alarm.

Wordplay Joke

When Jonathan Ross signed up for a Twitter account, he was asked why.
"I just wanted to tweet myself", he said.

Wordplay Joke

A mate in the pub said," I've just realised, your brothers Richard, Harold and Charles are all named after kings."
I said, " Yeah, so! What's your point?"
He said, " Nothing. It's your round Burger."

Wordplay Joke

I'm not worried about the Third World War.
That's the Third World's Problem.

Wordplay Joke

What's long, white, hard and forced into my daughter's mouth every night?
Her toothbrush.

Wordplay Joke

I read in the newspaper: 'Two people killed in separate chain attacks'
They must be linked.

Wordplay Joke

Some black guy broke into my house last night.
Thankfully the only thing he took was one of my bullets.

Wordplay Joke

Is anyone else tired, or is it just M.E.?

Wordplay Joke

I find nothing is quite so annoying as having someone carry on talking while you're trying to interrupt.

Wordplay Joke

I was waiting in line for a club last night and the guy at the door was checking IDs.
He was taking ages.

Wordplay Joke

What are long, hard and delicious?
Adjectives.

Wordplay Joke

I called the Samaritans once, saying that I felt like throwing myself in front of a train and needed help.
They told me to stay on the line.

Wordplay Joke

I'm planning a camping holiday but, I have to say, I'm far from impressed with my travel insurance. It turns out if someone steals my tent in the night, I'll no longer be covered.

Wordplay Joke

''Safety first'' is a great phrase because it follows its own advice.

Wordplay Joke

Inner city Sikhs.
Putting the urban into turban.

Wordplay Joke

10 hikers killed in a landslide in the Himalayas.
Now be honest, you didn't expect Everest to be doing THAT today, did you?

Wordplay Joke

I was watching a DVD on my laptop when I thought,
"Maybe it would be better if I put it in."

Wordplay Joke

My mate has invented a new hobby called "blindfold plane watching".
Can't see it taking off.

Wordplay Joke

I won $2 million on the lottery this weekend so I decided to donate a quarter of it to charity.
Now I have $ 1,999,999.75.

Wordplay Joke

I have got a bit of a reputation as a ladies man in my local.
All I can say is, they smell so much cleaner than the gents.