Wordplay Joke

Once you've got past my charm, good looks, intelligence and my
sense of humour,
I think it's my modesty that stands out.

Wordplay Joke

So this chick is scratching through her handbag, trying to find a pen to write down her number for the polite guy.
"I really need to clear out my bag."
"So do I," I interrupted, "I'll help you if you help me."
...and off we headed to my place.

Wordplay Joke

I'm going to quit the 'Drama Society' next week.
They make such a big deal out of every little thing.

Wordplay Joke

My hearing aid has just broke...if anyone has a spare one give me a shout !!!

Wordplay Joke

They say 'blondes have more fun'.
I'm dyeing to find out if it's true.

Wordplay Joke

A new craze from China is set to take over from planking. People all over the country are covering themselves in light brown paint.
They're calling it Beijing.

Wordplay Joke

At the breakfast table this morning, my obese wife asked me for some of the artificial sugar.
"Ok, baby" I replied, "I love you and you look fantastic."

Wordplay Joke

When I won the Lotto I had to get me a butler.
Just couldn't help myself.

Wordplay Joke

In the early 50's I was employed by a famous cartoon strip.
The hours were great, but I worked for Peanuts.

Wordplay Joke

My girlfriend likes Roxette and bubbly chocolate
So I laid a Wispa on her pillow.

Wordplay Joke

"Beaver Book Company"
Don't make the same mistake i did.

Wordplay Joke

I am fully behind the campaign - "Kick Cancer".
I also support "Punch Leukemia" and "Trip Up Measles".

Wordplay Joke

I have erection problems...I just can't get it up. My wife is very understanding though. Maybe I'm just not cut out for camping.

Wordplay Joke

My girlfriend fell into a vat of liquid nitrogen.
I soon snapped her out of it.

Wordplay Joke

I''ve just bought a forkift truck at an auction, it's amazing what you can pick up nowadays.

Wordplay Joke

I've been sacked from my job writing maths exams.
Apparently I set a bad example.

Wordplay Joke

I've been doing a watch-making course.
It was hard to start with but I've finally got things ticking over nicely.

Wordplay Joke

I don't believe in karma.
I prefer a jalfrezi.

Wordplay Joke

I recently seperated from my partner of 20 years, and I feel like I've lost a huge part of me. I guess most siamese twins go through this after the operation.

Wordplay Joke

I can't decide which satanic card game to play.
Oh well - better the Devil Uno.

Wordplay Joke

Apparently Gordon Brown is worried about the polls,
I would be too, 80% of them have a uk ballot paper.

Wordplay Joke

My Dad loves wearing denim and so do I,
Must be in the jeans.

Wordplay Joke

I guess it's alright working for a parcel delivery company. It has its UPS and its downs.

Wordplay Joke

There is a saying...
"Anything can be a saying."

Wordplay Joke

We won our local rugby match in strange fashion yesterday.
Those scarves and top hats looked ridiculous.