Wordplay Joke

In a recent survey, half of the people asked didn't know their exact shoe size.
I do, all my shoes are a foot long.

Wordplay Joke

A weather front has moved from Britain and has reached as far as Eastern Europe.
UK rain.

Wordplay Joke

A gangster friend decided to tell me the best way to rob a bank.
I took some notes.

Wordplay Joke

7 schoolboys found hanged in their bedrooms using their school tie
groovy, tie dye must be back in fashion!!

Wordplay Joke

My wife told me she was leaving me because im immature. So I told her to:-
Say 'Eye'
Spell 'M.A.P'
and Say 'Ness'
Oh you should have seen her face.

Wordplay Joke

Does an Alpha male Beta woman?

Wordplay Joke

What's my opinion on airconditioning?
Not a fan.

Wordplay Joke

Every house needs a door, and that's where I come in.

Wordplay Joke

I used to be a burglar but I'd always get caught on the first floor.
Same old storey.

Wordplay Joke

If I had a pound for every time someone told me I didn't pay attention, I'll have milk two sugars please.

Wordplay Joke

The wife asked me to go to the shops and get plenty kitchen roll.
She's gonna be pleased to see the 50 rolls of Thirst Pockets I got.

Wordplay Joke

I stole a police helicopter this morning.
Landed me in prison.

Wordplay Joke

They say that Vigilantes take the Law into their own hands.
I think I'll be the Judge...

Wordplay Joke

Ever since buying a digital camera, I can only think of it's positive points.
There aren't any negatives.

Wordplay Joke

Did you know that the bluetooth mobile headset was invented by a German man?
Hans Free.

Wordplay Joke

I was filming a movie and said 'Scene 9, take 5'.
Then everyone went to get lunch.

Wordplay Joke

I just got thrown out of our local hospital for misusing a breast-scanning unit...
Or Binoculars, as the Security Guard insisted on calling them.

Wordplay Joke

Kleptomaniacs always take things literally.

Wordplay Joke

A police officer pulled me for speeding today.
Not sure why, but he's taking me out to dinner tomorrow night.

Wordplay Joke

My mate just asked me to be usher at his wedding.
He can't afford a band and loves his R&B.

Wordplay Joke

I get cheap cigarettes from the Asian bloke that lives at the end of my street.
His nickname is Bacci Stan.

Wordplay Joke

Grab your goat,
Ewe've pulled.

Wordplay Joke

I studied exothermic reactions before they were cool.

Wordplay Joke

The biggest causes of road rage are cross roads.

Wordplay Joke

I'm struggling to finish my wordsearch puzzle on Victorian villains.
I can't see Hyde nor Hare.