Wordplay Joke

I saw a headline in the paper that said "Millwall firm favourites for West Ham clash"
I can't believe they would encourage football hooliganism like that.

Wordplay Joke

My local pub called the Fawcett Inn have anounced there going to make there own cider
Its going to be called 'Fawcett Inn Cider'

Wordplay Joke

BBC news: Red Arrows fly to home base.
I don't think they will stock anything in there to repair the broken one?

Wordplay Joke

I live in a really small village where everybody suffers terribly with head lice..
It's a close nit community.

Wordplay Joke

Paddy Doherty in the Celebrity Big Brother house said he feels like a fish out of water...
That would be a Pike-y then.

Wordplay Joke

My girlfriend left me because of my dream to be a news anchor.
More on this later.

Wordplay Joke

Random jokes aren't everyone's cup of shredded seagull.

Wordplay Joke

theres a tribe south of africa who detest all types of clock and watches.
they are a race against time

Wordplay Joke

The first time I saw a dry-erase board I said, "wow, that is remarkable"

Wordplay Joke

My impression of a stage lighting technician is spot on.

Wordplay Joke

Welcome back to the world ironing championship where the drama is unfolding.

Wordplay Joke

I think i'm interbred.
I love Naan.

Wordplay Joke

My wife arrived back from the psychiatrist crying her eyes out, apparently she has OCD.
I said "Dont be upset honey, we'll get through this, you can count on me"

Wordplay Joke

I want to ask my wife about her fear of stairs
I think I'll escalator

Wordplay Joke

I like the word "or". Its short, simple and to the point.
Alternatively...

Wordplay Joke

I've just seen a guy standing in the middle of the busy road, all dressed in black, in the dark.
Not the brightest man in the world.

Wordplay Joke

What has paracetamol's and the knife that I stabbed my wife with have in common?
They both kill pains.

Wordplay Joke

Billy Ocean - The new face and sponser of Vaseline,
Because love really hurts without you.

Wordplay Joke

One of my friends killed himself by jumping into a septic tank.
It was sewercide.

Wordplay Joke

I was found guilty after spraying the word 'cublip' on a wall.
It was a public order offence.

Wordplay Joke

I said, "I'm thinking of growing a beard. Do you think I could pull off a beard?"
My wife said, "Yeah, but it would really hurt"

Wordplay Joke

We had this quiz at school today, and I didn't get Anything wrong! Sadly I got Nothing wrong, and Something wrong. The easiest one was Difficult, and the one I would say I was most proud of myself for getting right was Incorrect. My Overall was perfect; Nevertheless I could have done better. I succeeded in Failing, but messed up my Chance. My Grandma was right.
In other words, I got six out of ten in my spelling test.

Wordplay Joke

I asked my mate from Belfast why he didn't like currants. He said,
"Ah, no good raisin."

Wordplay Joke

Incest... I can relate to that.

Wordplay Joke

How does Prince Charles get on at table tennis when he forgets his paddles?
He has to play it by ear.