Wordplay Joke

Nickel and Gallium combined to steal my periodic table and TV
Typical NiGa.

Wordplay Joke

I was on a remote island once.
Just a pity there were no tv's.

Wordplay Joke

Hemp towels leave you high and dry.

Wordplay Joke

Just got back from Africa and you wouldn't believe all the potholes they have.
The little food they have just falls out and into the fire.

Wordplay Joke

Do you want to here a joke about stealing from gardens?
Actually no, you might take a fence.

Wordplay Joke

Jay-Z's song '99 problems' was inspired by his two Dalamatians when they had puppies.

Wordplay Joke

Where there's smoke, I'm fired.

Wordplay Joke

I recently taught a sheep how to drive. She wasn't very good driving straight, but she was good at ewe-turns.

Wordplay Joke

The wood in my old flat was so decayed, that I fell through the bedroom floor into a 180, reverse-twist somersault.
It was a proper dive.

Wordplay Joke

I hate taxi drivers that think they can defy the laws of gravity.
They drive me up the wall.

Wordplay Joke

The bigger my wife gets, the more exciting I find her.
She keeps me on the edge of my bed.

Wordplay Joke

An engineer was trying to fix a compressing toilet,
but then he got piston

Wordplay Joke

My mother gave birth to me whilst skydiving.
I was airborne.

Wordplay Joke

My days were numbered at the calender factory.
So I didn't get sacked.

Wordplay Joke

Last year I was charged for having luggage dropped into my arms.
It was a caught case.

Wordplay Joke

I went in a shop and said "Have you got any stock cubes?",
The Shopkeeper said "Knorr?",
I said "Ok, thanks anyway".

Wordplay Joke

Don't tell anyone, but there are a couple of hoes in my shed.

Wordplay Joke

Just got kicked out of Harvester, Apparently 'Steak & BJ Day' doesn't count at restaurants!

Wordplay Joke

These two random people stopped me in the street today asking me to work out corners of these triangles.
What was their angle?

Wordplay Joke

My favourite Acronym is still TBC.

Wordplay Joke

I just read a letter from my girlfriend saying that she is breaking up with me because I cant throw anything away.
It was dated 12th March 1967.

Wordplay Joke

What do you call a group of dyslexic physicists having a 'sword' fight?
The Large Hardon Collider.

Wordplay Joke

When I thought of this joke I was swimming.
It was a Stroke of genius.

Wordplay Joke

When I thought of this joke I was swimming.
It was a Stroke of genius.

Wordplay Joke

My wife didn't enjoy my Yule Log...apparently the bit of bog roll stuck to it put her off.