Wordplay Joke

The local nudist colony held an 80's night.
I came as a 12 inch single

Wordplay Joke

BBC NEWS: "Internet is 'changing our memory.'"
I'd bet 100 cache it's had no influence on my thinking whatsoever.

Wordplay Joke

I thought that my brain was leaking out, so I went for scan.
Turns out it was all in my head.

Wordplay Joke

I just had a boxing match with a Star Wars character.
I won, Han's down.

Wordplay Joke

I went to a phone shop to buy a new phone but ended up leaving with an African Chuckle Brother.
I think they must have thought I'd asked for a BlackBarry.

Wordplay Joke

My wife is always looking for opportunities to put me down.
I think she's fed up with carrying me everywhere.

Wordplay Joke

When I was a kid, my mum used to say, "if you ever swear, I'll wash your mouth out with soap!"
What a hypocrite! You should've heard the language when I bit her fingers off!

Wordplay Joke

I've decided that I'm gonna be a Cartographer when I grow up......
I've got it all mapped out.

Wordplay Joke

Its unfortunate for me that people see me as a lover not a fighter...
as I'm actually as much better fighter than I am a lover.
For one thing, the fights usually last longer...
...and also, I use my fists less.

Wordplay Joke

Just been to Pizza Hut in Newcastle.
I had a Howaiiyan and she had a Whyaiian.

Wordplay Joke

My mate has developed an addiction to drinking petrol.
I advised him to attend an AA meeting.

Wordplay Joke

I did a tour of a cheese factory in Holland last week.
Apparently Edam is made backwards.

Wordplay Joke

There's a mysterious never-ending hole in my back garden, and I don't know why.
I just cant get to the bottom of it...

Wordplay Joke

I've been trying to establish my Mum's secret fajita recipe but it's proving very difficult.
It's being kept under wraps.

Wordplay Joke

Being a one man orchestra can be quite nerve-racking.
I just have to compose myself.

Wordplay Joke

I could talk about asphyxiation till I'm blue in the face.

Wordplay Joke

When I left school I really wanted to become a locksmith. Unfortunately though I failed the entrance exam.

Wordplay Joke

Cops stopping Hoodies in the street,searching them for knives.
Give it arrest.

Wordplay Joke

Is it just me, or does hot weather always seem to bring out the breast in women?

Wordplay Joke

I was on a ride at a funfair. One minute I was laughing my head off. Next I felt angry. Then I just became very sad.
Turns out I was on an emotional roller coaster.

Wordplay Joke

"24 Stone man loses 240 pounds in 1 day!"
His gambling addiction was as bad as his eating disorder.

Wordplay Joke

It is better to give than to receive...
Thats my prison motto.

Wordplay Joke

I turned on my kettle earlier.
You know you're lowering your standards when you're reduced to arousing household appliances

Wordplay Joke

I put a gimp mask onto a police animal. I was arrested for perverting the horse of justice.

Wordplay Joke

News: 'Helium Girl's parents' - "we'll rise above cruel jokes"