Wordplay Joke

I found out my best mate and I have been seeing each others girlfriends.
Its fair to say we were exchanging blows.

Wordplay Joke

I went for a job as a survey taker. Sadly, I didn't tick the right boxes.

Wordplay Joke

I saw two council road sweepers getting off with each other in the street last night.
I told them to get a broom.

Wordplay Joke

My girlfriend hates me spooning her.
I can't help it, I love the taste.

Wordplay Joke

To say I am the lowest of the low would be an understatement.

Wordplay Joke

I was so hungry yesterday, I was eating my mushroom soup like there was no tomato

Wordplay Joke

My girlfriend got home today and said, "Why have you got your arms folded?"
"Because I trapped them in a mangle," I replied. "They're 16ft long if I don't keep them neat."

Wordplay Joke

What do you call a cow missing two legs?
Lean beef

Wordplay Joke

Just got a text inviting me to the local nudist club.
"Why not," I thought, "I haven't got anything on."

Wordplay Joke

Men are like spray paint. One squeeze and they're all over you.

Wordplay Joke

I tried to open some vowels and climb inside them, but it was dangerous.
Ended up in A&E.

Wordplay Joke

I've started a GPS repair business.
So if your TomTom's knackered, you know where to find me.

Wordplay Joke

Which famous American linguist also ate short people?
Noam Chompsky.

Wordplay Joke

I've been playing Guitar for two years, two weeks and 5 days.
I should probably stop and have a rest.

Wordplay Joke

A man phoned me earlier asking how much it'd be to rent my factory to start his cheap artificial leg business.
I said, "I charge by the square foot."
"So do I," he replied. "That's why they're cheap."

Wordplay Joke

I just got back from my interview at the gynecology department.
I didn't go down well.

Wordplay Joke

I have just heard a digger rapping.
Must have been a JAY-Z-B

Wordplay Joke

I've a serious fear of misdirection.
But then again, that's neither here nor there.

Wordplay Joke

I was on a bandit in the pub last night...
He then pushed me off and carried on robbing the place.

Wordplay Joke

I find it utterly abhorant when quotations are attributed to the wrong person. It not only cheapens the the impact of the quote, but it takes something from us all as humans and leaves us poorer as a race of beings - Wayne Rooney.

Wordplay Joke

I've started dating a woman who shares my interest in headware...
We have a love hat relationship.

Wordplay Joke

Why are mirrors racist?
They fail to give black people a fair reflection.

Wordplay Joke

I saw Rachel Riley at an orgy last night
It's not the first time I've seen her working with six large ones

Wordplay Joke

My wife's got a new job with a home delivery company, but she's struggling with its demands.
'You really have to drive yourself to do it,' I said.

Wordplay Joke

I was going to tell a joke about procrastination, but I suppose it can wait...