Wordplay Joke

Last night I met a variety of people with magical powers.
Witch was nice.

Wordplay Joke

Never own a pet store. Stores make terrible pets.

Wordplay Joke

Apparently, someone has tipped off the authorities that a fortune teller is smuggling drugs in a crystal ball..
The police are looking into it.

Wordplay Joke

Got stuck for hours today in a hall of mirrors.
I was beside myself with worry.

Wordplay Joke

A bunch of OAP's came into my shop today, they started to push and shove trying to get their hands on the latest top of the range mobility scooter.
I told them to 'form an Elderly queue.'

Wordplay Joke

My grandfather was a chain smoker. Every time he had a cigarette he got 10 of his friends to light up too.

Wordplay Joke

What did the Geordie say to the Ethiopian?
Fly eye man.

Wordplay Joke

What did the Geordie say to the Ethiopian?
Fly eye man.

Wordplay Joke

I've started up a business offering rides in Willie Wonker's lift.
Sales are going through the roof.

Wordplay Joke

I've written a book on how to cut onions with a chainsaw.
It's pretty dicey.

Wordplay Joke

Why does Shane Warne never go to bed late?
So he can get up Hurley

Wordplay Joke

BBC Sport: Bulgarian fans are a disgrace.
All football fans should know how offensive it is to attack.

Wordplay Joke

Why is 'Charlie' short for 'Charles' when clearly it isn't?

Wordplay Joke

I have a thing for feet.
A pumice stone.

Wordplay Joke

I was going to post a joke about chemistry
but I was afraid of getting a bad reaction

Wordplay Joke

BBC: Teacher Guilty Of Suitcase Murder.
The inquiry began when they opened the case, and ended when they closed it.

Wordplay Joke

How much does a Chinese dumpling weigh?
Wonton

Wordplay Joke

I studied abroad for some time.
She slapped me and called me a 'pervert'.

Wordplay Joke

I woke up this morning penniless.
Penny left me.

Wordplay Joke

I've been feeling really tired at work lately, so I'm going to book a rest tomorrow.
I love Romainia at this time of the year.

Wordplay Joke

I hated harmonicas up until I accidentally swallowed one.
I soon changed my tune.

Wordplay Joke

My misses wont stop singing songs by the 'Fine young cannibals'
She drives me crazy.

Wordplay Joke

This time last year I weighed nine stones...
I don't know why I just wanted to weigh them.

Wordplay Joke

Bomb disposal experts can be really moody when they're deactivating landmines.
So if you approach one, tread carefully.

Wordplay Joke

My mate asked me if I knew any good shops that sell hats
" Not off the top of my head" I replied.