Numerous reports of an organic yoghurt being thrown in Richmond.

Network Rail have put out a CD of their greatest journeys. I've never heard so many tracks

My mate's wife finished with him the other day because he kept thinking he was an old-fashioned pocket watch.
We've been winding him up ever since.

A mate asked me to list euphemisms for death. I'm at a loss.

I'm enjoying being a Kleptomaniac so much that sometimes I have to pinch myself.

My bank balance is a ?. I guess that makes me a questionnaire.

One of my patients was in a critical condition.
He said, "You're not sewing me up very neatly"

One of my patients was in a critical condition.
He said, "You're not sewing me up very neatly"

if you can't drink it. smoke it.
if you can't smoke it. snort it.
if you can't snort it. take it as a pill.
if you can't take it as a pill give it to Amy whine house. she'll find a way

People who have a problem with tall people need to grow up

I once knew a nun who liked to wear lots of different colours.
Come to think of it, she had a lot of unusual habits.

Human cloning is a terrible idea. History shows that war always starts with a double you.

I didn't tip the waiter at the Indian restaurant. Bad korma.

Stephen Fry has opened a grocery store.
He called it 'Melon Cauli'

My obese wife failed to lose any weight on her latest diet and now I've left her.
She's a loser all round.

blackberry users wont get this joke.

A gang of thieves stole a railway line last night.
Police have searched the area but found no tracks.

Kamikaze pilots are in sharp decline.

They got the weather forecast right yesterday.
They said there was a patchy rain band coming.
I looked out of the window and there were 4 red indians singing in my garden.

Acne jokes aren't usually the kind of thing you plan for.
You just come up with them on the spot.

I was laying down earlier and I thought to myself,
'Laminate flooring is much easier than duck feathers!'

Shouldn't have cut the opening 3 subjects from my film: 'Best Acronyms: A-Z'. It's gone straight to DVD.

My wife thinks the trick I do when I change a bowl into a small plate, isn't magic, it's sorcery.

I went with some of my mates to a topless bar the other day.
It started raining, we all got soaked.

I used to collect the medical magazines "Areas Of The Body".
I've got the entire back catalogue.