Wordplay Joke

Real Estate Agent: Here is a house without a flaw
Customer: My goodness! What do you walk on?

Wordplay Joke

My mate asked me if I knew which race committed the most crime.
I took a stab in the dark and said blacks.

Wordplay Joke

I've just flown back from a 2 week all-inclusive holiday in Tunisia.
I had a riotous time.

Wordplay Joke

I played a small role in a new film.
I'm a dwarf.

Wordplay Joke

I knew I had to act quickly when my wife confronted my girlfriend and they began to fight.
I ran inside to get the camcorder before it finished.

Wordplay Joke

Everyone laughed when I started my degree in locksmithing.
But it's really opened some doors for me.

Wordplay Joke

My older brother who I've never met went off the rails when he was about 17.
Then jumped back onto them and got nailed by a train.

Wordplay Joke

These new plain clothes police officers are rubbish - I can spot a man in a pilot's suit a mile off.

Wordplay Joke

Cults are amazing - better than sects.

Wordplay Joke

When there's a big sale at a Garden centre it's always the same.
Hundreds of angry Gardeners bushing and shrubbing

Wordplay Joke

I just bought a round green jacket with a brown stem.
Its an Apple Mac.

Wordplay Joke

My wife has a weight problem.
I've stacked all my dumbells on top of her.

Wordplay Joke

I got pulled over several times yesterday for speeding. The last time i got pulled over, he said,
"This is the third time i've had to book you today."
I never knew Graham Poll was a policeman?

Wordplay Joke

The number of secure cars these days are alarming.

Wordplay Joke

I have a cousin called Joe King...
It's a shame no-one can take him seriously...

Wordplay Joke

Your Honour, I think you're crazy.
Sorry, that's just judge mental.

Wordplay Joke

The weather's pretty bad today, I nearly got caught in a shower earlier.
The ladies shower at the gym.

Wordplay Joke

I can't stop myself from attending pirate themed parties.
I'm hooked.

Wordplay Joke

My wife was absolutely distraught when I decided to come out of the closet.
It put her boyfriend right off his rhythm.

Wordplay Joke

Sky News: A man had a bullet lodged in the back of his head for five years because he was too drunk to realise.
"Obviously had one to many shots then."

Wordplay Joke

What's with all my Facebook friends posting their status as 'Reading'? I've been reading since I was five.

Wordplay Joke

Never follow a friends advice.
"Go to Subway for dinner, It's expensive but it's lovely!"
So I did, and my friend was half right, It was expensive. But after 3 hours of riding around on trains I was skint and still starving.

Wordplay Joke

I smashed a computer over my girlfriend's head last week.
She was asking for IT.

Wordplay Joke

I've tried to improve business at my delicatessen by going out on the street to sell my cheese.
But people just smile politely.

Wordplay Joke

This evening I was trying to work out why my central heating thermostat wasn't working.... then it clicked!!!!