Wordplay Joke

Why do they take organs from pigs and give them to humans?
Because pigs can't play organs.

Wordplay Joke

My grandfather is a Cold War veteran
He can't afford to put the heating on.

Wordplay Joke

I walked past some joggers in the park today.
They weren't very fast.

Wordplay Joke

For Sale: Replica Fisherman's Knife (Made To Scale).

Wordplay Joke

I was taking some notes the other day, when I was arrested and escorted from the bank.

Wordplay Joke

Now, for my next trick, I'm going to turn this Grandfather clock to one hundredth of its original size...
Watch...

Wordplay Joke

Boris Johnson.
Putting the ROFL into Mayor of London.

Wordplay Joke

I'm in a heavy metal band.
I play lead.

Wordplay Joke

I just had a hair cut.
Might get all the other ones cut tomorrow.

Wordplay Joke

I was taking part in a quiz, on the final question I was asked, "For 10,000 name 5 popular idioms."
I said, "Oh dear, I think I may have bitten off more than I can chew, I'm not going to beat around the bush, I don't know what an idiom is. I could have a go, but it would just be a stab in the dark. If I was to go for broke and win the ten grand, that would be the icing on the cake, but I think I will cut my losses and take the 5,000 and run."

Wordplay Joke

Against my advice, my daughter has just gone to a bukkake party.
Oh well, on her own head be it.

Wordplay Joke

My football team's undefeated in 30 games this season which were all 4-1 with one 4-4.
I love playing for the Musketeers.

Wordplay Joke

I feel that geographical puns are beneath me; there's Norway I'd go Oslo as that.

Wordplay Joke

My hands are like the Rain , They make you wet!
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Mine are like onions

Wordplay Joke

I just bought an alcoholic ginger beer.
He wasn't pleased.

Wordplay Joke

I arranged to meet someone last night for some No Strings Attached fun..
I was bitterly disappointed when Pinocchio turned up.

Wordplay Joke

Anyone want to buy a pack of Polos? They're in mint condition

Wordplay Joke

I filled my car up with petrol this morning.
Wish I hadn't now, the seats are ruined.

Wordplay Joke

Optimistic : Optimus Prime's psychic brother.

Wordplay Joke

I said, "I've locked my keys in my car and my children are inside."
My neighbour said, "Do you have a spare set?"
I said, "Yeah, I've got two sons with my ex-wife."

Wordplay Joke

My mum hates it when I call my stepfather Bernie.
He's pretty sensitive about the scars, apparently.

Wordplay Joke

I refuse to watch Snakes on a Plane as it's so unrealistic. Everyone knows you have to switch your phone off.

Wordplay Joke

I was throwing rice at an Indian wedding and accidentally started a pilau fight.

Wordplay Joke

I've been watching the golf for hours now and I'm getting rather bored.
But it is brand new, I don't have a garage and I live in a rough area.

Wordplay Joke

I went to see the doctor yesterday.
What seems to be the problem, Edgar? he asked.
Well, I think I suffer from schizophrenia, I said, being Frank.