Wordplay Joke

I was walking to work when I came across a guy in a crocodile costume.
I asked, "Why are you in a crocodile costume?"
He said, "I'm obsessed with them, want me to tell you why?"
I replied, "Well, I need to get to work, so make it snappy."

Wordplay Joke

I sent my Thai bride out for some fine wine and she came back with a Semillon.

Wordplay Joke

If Caesar was so tough why did they name a salad after him instead of a slab of beef?

Wordplay Joke

Me: I got my blue peter badge for stealing yesterday.
Friend: "what did you steal"
Me: A blue Peter badge.

Wordplay Joke

Whenever I'm comforting someone who likes correcting people's
grammar. I hold them softly and gently whisper,
"They're, their".

Wordplay Joke

The wife and I decided to have a race to see who would die first.
I left her in my wake.

Wordplay Joke

Last night I tried to confiscate my son's heroin but it was all in vein.

Wordplay Joke

My wife was in a car crash recently..
She was an extra in Ricky Gervais's Derek.

Wordplay Joke

My dad used to hate technology but now he gives lectures on his idea of a bicycle with a reverse gear.
Talk about back-pedaling.

Wordplay Joke

"I treasured my Wife, how can you say that?!"
Probably not the best response I could think of when the detective asked me if I buried her at sea.

Wordplay Joke

Last night i phoned the samaritans because i thought my obsession with Debbie Harry had gone too far.
They kept me hanging on the telephone.

Wordplay Joke

I watched a Spanish man do a back-flip on his skateboard.
After that he did an ol.

Wordplay Joke

My mate asked me if I knew any cricket jokes...
But I'm all out!

Wordplay Joke

Supposedly , 50% of Africans have to walk over a mile for clean water.
I think that's a bit far-fetched.

Wordplay Joke

You've got to feel sorry for the remaining Philpott children, they must miss the ones that have gone.
They're embers of the same family afterall.

Wordplay Joke

Why is it impossible to electrocute worms?
Because they are always earthed!

Wordplay Joke

My son really annoys me when he's dunking his biscuits.
I wouldn't mind but he's got crumbs all over the basketball court.

Wordplay Joke

I organised a drinks party for Tory Jamaicans in Yorkshire.
It was a right rum do.

Wordplay Joke

Me and my mates feel privileged to have opened the lion enclosure at our local zoo.
No one asked us to, and now the whole town is in lock down.

Wordplay Joke

I really don't like my new clutch.
But that's just a matter of a pinion.

Wordplay Joke

I was at a friend's place earlier and we were listening to his new stereo while he proceeded to tell me how he had to travel all the way to china to get it since no shop sells them here.
Sounded pretty far-fetched if you ask me.

Wordplay Joke

I was at a friend's place earlier and we were listening to his new stereo while he proceeded to tell me how he had to travel all the way to china to get it since no shop sells them here.
Sounded pretty far-fetched if you ask me.

Wordplay Joke

Just had an unrealistic dinner at CGI Fridays.

Wordplay Joke

My son was convinced he'd seen a ufo yesterday.
I told him it could be just a balloon but he still sat there all day with his ionosphere.

Wordplay Joke

Nickel and Gallium combined to steal my periodic table and TV
Typical NiGa.