Wordplay Joke

I've decided to move onto the next stage in my career.
That's just the way it is when you're a Theatrical Designer.

Wordplay Joke

"I love your teeth babe" "Aw,why?" "Because yellow is my favorite color"

Wordplay Joke

snakes + spiders + heights + flying + dying + dark + dentists + needles + clowns =
The sum of all fears

Wordplay Joke

What's got 10 fingers and comes from Norwich?
A box of Bird's Eye

Wordplay Joke

When I found out the Chuckle Brothers were taking legal action against me, I immediately put in a counter-claim.
Sue me, sue you.

Wordplay Joke

Shakespeare told his mate, "I'm going to stop writing plays, I'm going to concentrate on poetry instead.
His mate said, "You're just going from bard to verse."

Wordplay Joke

I'd love to tell you about my bondage and S&M sessions.
Unfortunately, my hands are tied.

Wordplay Joke

As my French girlfriend stormed out she said "C'est la vie!"
I said "Lovey....."

Wordplay Joke

A new cleaner started at work today, our boss said, "Everyone I'd like you to welcome Dee to our team."
I noticed one of her eyes doesn't move so I asked, "Have you got a fake eye Dee?"
She said, "No, why would I I'm in my fourtys, I get served everywhere."

Wordplay Joke

My brother refuses to work these days.
I should get a new printer.

Wordplay Joke

I had a date with a lazy mathematician.
It didn't work out.

Wordplay Joke

I like to put horses heads on broom handles.
Its my hobby.

Wordplay Joke

I've just been to Staples and bought the 'Commando' desk.
It hasn't got any drawers.

Wordplay Joke

If you're Googling tips on dog masturbation, for the best results just click 'I'm Feeling Lucky'.

Wordplay Joke

I met my wife at a Monkees fan club convention,
It surprised me though, I thought love was only true in fairytales...

Wordplay Joke

Apparently when someone says 'What skeletons are you hiding in your closet?'
The right answer is not 'My gran's, my son's and my pet hamster.'

Wordplay Joke

Just before I die I'm going to get my hand stamped in case I want to come back in again.

Wordplay Joke

I got caught by the Police selling filofaxes to the Mafia, I'm now in prison serving 25 to life for my part in organized crime.

Wordplay Joke

Life insurance claims. They're to die for.

Wordplay Joke

I was going to write a story about the march I went on at the weekend but I can't.
I've got rioters block.

Wordplay Joke

A Jewish kid asks his dad "Papa, what is a vacuum?"
He answers "A vacuum is a void".
The kid says " I know it's a void but vot does it mean?"

Wordplay Joke

I can't believe Eddie Stobart's dead. Sad news. I thought he was here for the long haul.

Wordplay Joke

statement
an
thats an understatement

Wordplay Joke

When I decided to sell my extensive record collection, my friends told me it was total Madness. I disagreed though, they only made up a small percentage of it.

Wordplay Joke

What is the difference between Sunderland goalkeeper and a minicab driver? The Sunderland keeper has let more than four in.