Wordplay Joke

Demba Ba- The black sheep of Newcastle

Wordplay Joke

Chef Antony Worrall Thompson has been caught shoplifting cheese and wine from his local Tesco.
BBC have announced he will be ready steady crooks new host!

Wordplay Joke

I couldn't believe it when I was sacked from my job as a crossword designer for being illiterate.
Words fail me.

Wordplay Joke

The wife pulled me into the kitchen away from our dinner with the mother-in-law last week and hissed "If you don't stop sneaking swearwords into conversation, mark my words I am leaving you." before storming back in.
I couldn't believe what I was hearing. After composing myself for a few minutes I casually walked back into the room smiling holding a tray.
"Anyone for coffee then?"

Wordplay Joke

I was telling Down Syndrome jokes at the dinner table, but my wife stormed out in disgust.
She hates it when I call him that.

Wordplay Joke

Since the car accident I've been fed all my meals through a tube and lost a total of 2 stone.
I'm on a crash diet.

Wordplay Joke

Is it just me or is there another guy in front of the mirror?

Wordplay Joke

My mate loves to grind his teeth.
I prefer to use a skateboard.

Wordplay Joke

My mate came running up to me shouting, "Steve.....Don't Move!!"
"Why?!" I said frozen.
"In this dwindling market, it's unlikely you will make a return on your investment"

Wordplay Joke

A bit of advice for hungry young comedians...
Eat something.

Wordplay Joke

After 5 years training to be a therapist I've decided to take a gap year.
I'm now known as 'the rapist'.

Wordplay Joke

When you hold a politician up to your ear, you can hear deceit.

Wordplay Joke

Ariel Laxatives....
Thats another load off your mind.

Wordplay Joke

Why are Medusa and my daughter so similar?
It only takes one stare to make you go stiff.

Wordplay Joke

Tonight I accused my girlfriend of being too thin.
She just snapped.

Wordplay Joke

Great news for Virgin media customers, they are doubling broadband speeds,
I'm so excited I've just got my calculator out to see what zero multiplied by two is.
Oh.

Wordplay Joke

I shouldn't of started that food fight.
Now i've got a bit of a pickle on my hands.

Wordplay Joke

What do you call a Jew that doesn't steal anyone's money or commit crime?
Dead.

Wordplay Joke

If you cant beat em,
Boxing's probably not for you.

Wordplay Joke

My friend just challenged me to guess what food item he was hiding behind his back.
"Well that's a piece of cake" I said.

Wordplay Joke

Whitney Huston dies after a long battle with drugs.
I guess she just cracked.....

Wordplay Joke

My friends keep whispering to me, I am getting really PSSST off.

Wordplay Joke

I'm in a tribute band called "The Paving Slab's",
We cover The Street's.

Wordplay Joke

Hair found at crime scenes often lead to dead ends.

Wordplay Joke

I've recently got a new job cooking for monks.
Out of the frying pan, into the Friar.